4. Anxiety |3|

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Wedding preparations were going a bit slower once they had sent out invitations. They still had a list of things to do, but with the help of Samantha and Mitch and Esther, it was rather easy. Especially Avi was happy to not have to think about it every day. 

Yet, on one day in April, Avi had an important appointment. He would be trying on his suit for the first time. Of course, Esther was coming with him.

"Are you excited to see your suit?" his sister asked when she got into the car with him. 

Avi smiled. "Always excited to get a new suit. Especially if it's made-to-measure" he explained. "And I am glad that it's just the two of us this time. I mean I am glad that Mitch came along to make sure that Scott's and my outfits fit, but it was a stressful day. 

Esther chuckled. "Yeah, I remember. But he only wants you to look your best. And he loves dressing up his friends" she explained. 

"True. But today it's only us. And I hope that we'll be able to make a nice day out of it" Avi said.

"Oh yes, please. Darien is taking Rose today so Mummy has a day off" Esther said. 

Avi chuckled. "Okay. Lunch is on me then."

"Thank you," Esther said. "I am so looking forward to eating at a restaurant. Can we get sushi?"

Avi smiled. "Of course."

They arrived at the tailor shop fifteen minutes later. 

"Just in time. I didn't expect traffic to be that bad" Avi said as they walked into the shop. 

"Mmhm" Esther hummed. "But we're here now. All is well."

"Good morning, Mrs Koop, Mr Kaplan. It's nice to see you again." They were greeted by the tailor who was working on both Avi's and Scott's suits. 

They made some small talk before the tailor led Avi and Esther to a spacious dressing room. 

Avi immediately spotted the maroon coloured suit which was hanging on the paravent screen behind which he would be able to change. He smiled. 

"You still like it?" Esther asked. 

Avi nodded. "I really forgot how beautiful the colour is," he said softly. 

"You really decided on something amazing," the tailor said. "Why don't you try it on so we can see how it fits. We also need to think about what you want to wear underneath. Which kind of shirt, what you want to wear around your neck, the handkerchief. There's still a lot of work to do, but we'll figure it out as we go. No need to stress. Did you think about the shoes you want to wear?"

Avi nodded. "I brought them with me," he said and held up the bag. "I only wore them once for a photoshoot, but they were so comfortable that I kept them."

"Wonderful," the tailor said. "Just put on everything and then we'll go on from there."

"I'll wait here," Esther said and dropped down in one of the comfortable chairs. 

In the end, it took them about an hour to find the right shirt and accessories to go with the suit and once he had everything on, he looked into the mirror once more, smiling when he saw himself in his wedding outfit. "That's it," he said. 

Esther smiled back at him with teary eyes. "I never thought that I would get such a moment with you, but..." She shrugged her shoulders and dried her eyes with a tissue.

"Oh, Esther..." Avi said softly. "Don't cry."

"I'm just so happy. I mean look at you, all donned up in this beautiful suit" Esther said. "Almost ready to get married to the love of your life."

Avi nodded. "Yeah..." 

"Can... I need to take a picture for Mitch if you don't mind? Just so he knows what you decided on?" Esther said.

Avi smiled. "Of course. He'd throw a fit if you don't send him this picture."

Once they had taken pictures and talked through some adjustments with the tailor, Avi got changed again while Esther exchanged a few messages with Mitch. She was just typing again when she heard a sob from behind the screen. "Avi?" 

Another sob. 

Esther was quick to walk over. "I'm stepping in" she announced before she faced Avi. 

The bearded man was sitting on the stool. He was shirtless and his own pants were pooling around his ankles. His elbows were resting on his knees and he had his head in his hands. 

"Avi, what is wrong?" Esther asked. She kneeled beside him and softly touched his arm. 

Avi didn't look up. "I..." He shook his head. "Can't."

"That's okay. I'm here. You're not alone. If there's anything I can do to help you, let me know, okay?" 

Avi winced in reply and Esther let go of him. She's been through this with him before and knew that he appreciated having someone around, but also quiet, so she would only interfere if it got too dangerous for him.

So she waited. Waited for him to calm down. After a while, he started to whisper things and she knew that he was using one of his coping mechanisms. Then he finally looked at her. 

"Esther, I..." he began, but he didn't know what to say. The panic attack had hit him out of the blue and even if it wasn't the worst one he ever had, it had been the first in a long time. He needed a moment to clear his head of the thick fog. Only then he realised that he was sitting in the dressing room wearing nothing but his underwear. "Oh..."

"It's okay, Avi. Take your time" Esther said softly. 

"Mmhm..." Avi just hummed. He grabbed his shirt and put it on and then got up to also pull up his pants. "Better" he mumbled. "Sorry..." 

"Don't be sorry. Do you need anything?" Esther asked. 

"Water. And home... did... are we alone?" Avi said, pulling himself together. 

"Yes," Esther said as she grabbed a glass from the table and filled it with water. "The tailor left as you went to get changed."

"Good," Avi said softly and drank the water. Another coping mechanism. Ice cubes worked better for him, but it was enough to get him functioning for the moment. "Home?"

Esther nodded. She knew that Avi was pulling himself together for the time being and it was her job to get him back into the car as quickly as possible. Thankfully they had already a follow-up appointment for the last fitting and only had to exchange a few pleasantries before they left.

"Can you drive, please?" Avi asked when they arrived at the car. 

Esther smiled and took the keys. "Of course." 

"Your place?" Esther asked. 

Avi leaned his head against the window and nodded. "Yeah. Scott is out for the day."

"Scott?"

Avi nodded. "Yeah. I don't want him to know. Please don't tell anyone. I don't want him to worry."

Esther sighed and looked at her brother. "Do you think that's wise? What if it happens again?"

"It can't happen again. I... it probably only happened because I was overwhelmed. I... I'll make an appointment with my therapist tomorrow" he said.

"Avi..." 

"Please, Esther," Avi said quietly and turned up the music. 

The brunette woman knew that her brother didn't want to be rude. He just couldn't handle more talking. So she started the car and got on her way back to Avi's and Scott's place. Of course, she looked over to her brother frequently and it broke her heart to see him like this. 

Avi had closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing, the music, the sound of the engine. Anything to distract him from the anxiety that felt like a heavy stone in the pit of his stomach. 

His thoughts were running wild, Avi was wondering where the panic attack was coming from. He knew it, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew what it was and yet, he didn't want to admit it. 

~~~~

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