Promised Love//DaiSuga Haikyuu

Part 6: Fear

Nearing the end scares me

Not because I'm going alone

Because our love has grown

I don't want to leave all of this behind

I don't want to press rewind

But you tell me there is nothing to fear

Your voice fills my ears.

"Dad...what will happen when you and Papa are gone?" Natsu said curled up into my side.

I raised an eye-brow. "What's with the sudden question?"

"I-I don't know...I just can't imagine you guys gone." She answered and looked into my eyes.

"Well...I don't know what happens when I die, I don't know what comes next. So, I don't know what to say really." I said.

"H-how do I get over it? I mean, I have my own children to take care of, a husband that loves me, but...I can't lean on them like the way I do to you." She hugged me tighter.

I rubbed her back. "Why are you worrying about it now? It's not like Suga or I are going any time soon. I get that I'm 62 and Papa is 63, but it's not like we are that old."

She looked at me with serious eyes. One that I knew all too well, ones that you simply couldn't look away from unless you answered the question.

Sighing, I gave the best answer I could. "You know Natsu, I'm scared too. I don't want to die just yet, I want to see you all grow, seeing my grand-children having their own children, and most of all seeing Hotaru finally confessing to Saichiro-kun." I chuckled.

I continued, "But everything has an ending. It could be emotions, work, or even life itself, and when that time comes for Papa and me to go, I want you to keep on fighting through life."

"...how? All I've ever known was to lean on you when I'm sad."

"By letting go Natsu. Letting go doesn't mean that you stop caring about us, it means that you are strong enough to get back up and face whatever comes next head-on. You can't start flying without leaving the ground." I answered.

"Would you say the same thing if it was Papa that was going?" She questioned me.

I hesitated. "I-I don't know. Although, the one thing he has taught me is that holding on hurts more than letting go. Holding on to something is like drinking water and expecting the other person to stay hydrated. Moving on sucks, I get that, but it's what we have to do so that we don't spread our sadness to the people who are still in our lives."

"You give the best advice Dad." Natsu sighed and got up. "It's pretty late, do you both want to come over and eat dinner with us?"

"Sure, I would love that!" I answered and hugged her one last time before we get in the car with Suga. "You're strong okay? I love you very much."

She smiled at me and went to go get Papa who was in the bathroom. I sighed and ran my hands through my short-cut hair. We haven't had that conversation yet, I understand why she is starting to worry though. These last years went by so fast, it felt like I was 52 just a few days ago.

"Hey, hun! C'mon get moving!" I heard Suga's voice, bright and cheery, already releasing the tense feeling I had in my chest.

I grabbed his hand, I do admit that I'm scared. I don't want this to end. I silently chuckled, I give advice that even I can't seem to go through.

I felt a kiss on my cheek. "What are you thinking 'bout hun?"

Opening the door and letting him go in first, I started to speak. "Well, someone came up with a very depressing topic and now I can't get it out of my head."

I looked at Natsu and she looked down starting the car engine.

"Really? What was it?" Suga asked.

I continued to look at Natsu.

"....umm...I was just thinking about what I'm going to do when you guys are gone." She drove out of the driveway and looked straight ahead not wanting to make eye-contact.

"Geez, like 6ft below? No wonder both of you were so depressed when I came back." He began to laugh. "With all seriousness though, there is nothing to worry about. You are strong and you will pull through."

Natsu smiled at us from the rear-view mirror. "Thanks, Papa."

The atmosphere was now happy, no longer gloomy. I could feel the sadness still radiating off my daughter like when she would look back at us, she would have this sorrow in her eyes, it couldn't be mistaken for any other emotion.

I wish I could say that she'll get over it, but I know that is such a hypocritical thing to say. No one truly gets over a loss of life no matter how much time passes. Time doesn't heal anything, just prolongs the pain till we get numb and can't feel it anymore.

I grabbed my husband's hand again for comfort and he squeezed back to reassure me that everything will be alright.

Hopeful could be the only word to describe my emotions right now.

~Vincent