Promised Love//DaiSuga Haikyuu

Part 8: Life

This my life

Our life

Yet I'm broken once again

Although the pain;

isn't forever

Because I'm broken from

True love and death that has come

Watching Suga's coffin slowly being lowered into the ground, I couldn't help but feel the guilt and pain rise to my throat.

Giving advice and taking advice are two completely different things, somehow I managed to do the first and not the second.

How do I let go of someone I've dedicated my whole life to?

How do I move on without feeling like I abandoned half of my life?

How do I keep on growing when the person I've been growing for is gone?

Till now I haven't been able to answer those questions, I know what to do but not how to do it. Quite a sad thing really, all of it is sad.

My children and children-in-law haven't confided in me yet, it seems that they are too scared to ask knowing that I'm in so much more pain than them. They are related to Suga, I chose to spend my life-time with him.

The difference is what's keeping us apart, for now. The difference from what Suga meant to us.

The saddest part of it all is that I thought we would have more time together. More time for just us and our love. Now it feels like we are in two connecting rooms and I can't open the door that connects us.

A door separating us, I want to break it down and pull you back into my room. But I can't do that, the door only opens when I'm ready and I'm not, I know that. Yet like any other human, I longed for something that I couldn't have.

I always felt like Suga was untouchable. Untouchable from the outside world and the chaos within each person. He really is untouchable now, though I'll touch him one day. When I'm ready.

"D-daddy?" I heard a voice behind me and a tug at my blazer.

I turned around and saw Hotaru. He looked so small like I went back in the past to when he was 14 years old, except I didn't. "We should go home."

I nodded my head and followed him in the car. Natsu, her husband, Hotaru, his husband and I all crammed into one car. I didn't mind, not that I cared.

Looking out the window and sighing, I turned my head to watch the moving scenery.

Emptiness, no more light, no more darkness. Not because it isn't there, it's because I can't feel it anymore.

I hope for warmth, comfort, but not just from anyone.

I feel as if my emotions are the boundless ocean. At some points, the waves are crashing against the shore and making sole sailors lost at sea. Then, it's serene and tranquil, letting the sunset bathe its orange light across the sandy beach.

The ocean is overwhelming compared to my fragile self. Although, at the end of the day it's just an ocean and I have yet to learn how to swim.

The pain that I hold is bone-deep, etched within my soul. The ache that I carry inside me. Like an old wound that will never heal. I know it will one day, but how long must I wait to feel again?

"We are here..." Natsu said as she pulled into the drive-way of my home. "Dad? Are you sure that you don't want us to come in too?"

I gave her the best smile that I could muster. "Yes I'm sure, I would like to spend some time to myself."

She paused and returned the smile. "Alright Dad, see you tomorrow."

Her car drove out of my property then onto the road. I watched till it reached out of my line of sight and turned around to the door to my house.

Walking onto the front wooden porch and opening the white, framed door, I sighed. Ts have been a long day and all I hope for is sleep.

I took off my shoes and lazily undid my clothing as I walked to my room. I shoved a white t-shirt on and some grey sweat-pants.

I gently laid myself on the soft, cushioned bed and stared at the ceiling with my arms folded over my chest.

Exhaustion was written all over my body. I could no longer speak, move, or open my eyes.

I didn't mind sleeping early, because as far as I know, my blissful dreams are more pleasant than my harsh reality.

Letting my eyes slowly come to a close. I let myself dream, a dream of a man that has already left my life.

~Vincent