1 wake up at 6am I know I should workout, it sets my day, makes me feel good and like I accomplished something. So why do I lay there, I stay in bed thinking I know my day will be not so good if I just lay here, this isn't going to get me to my goals, I know ill be disappointed and it sets my day off the rest of the day. I know that when I get a session in during the morning I'm happier with myself.
Its 8am I've wasted and hour. So I get up to go use the lu, and grab some water I say I don't usually get hungry till 11-12 I should respect that and not eat anything...of course while making tea I somehow grab one thing I say okay just a bite. But one turns into it all and a small binge... I've messed up I eventually go upstairs and lay back down disappointed and wondering should I even do a session this morning its not like I've been seeing any progress, I've actually lost progress since that week in quarantine.that one good week... I won't get anywhere if I don't do a session tho, giving up won't do anything. You shouldn't have eaten anything you idiot. I know thanks.
9:38am I set an alarm for 10 and get up to at least do some planks and ill do a lift later in the day. But I give up part way, getting up to look in the mirror I'm disgusted with everything infront of me. I've lost so much progress but it isn't like I had made much in the first place I never have. I burst into tears because I know I'm not alone but I can't speak because nobody around me has the issues that I have. Nobody in my surroundings binges. Nobody gets it. Except my gecko, he sits on my shoulder or in my hood sometimes and just listens even if I don't say anything hes just there for me. But lately he hasn't been wanting to see me. As much as I'm destroying my relationship with myself I'm destroying our bond as well. I go to see him and he has stopped giving me those cute faces, he glares or runs for his hide
Its 10am and I'm remoting into class at my dads house, but I'm not paying attention I've been hyperventilating and crying since 9:40am...my mom sends me photos of my baby hes out and giving her those cute faces... I break down harder knowing that hes happy with his omah. I miss him, and his comfort. I miss being okay with myself even tho I don't remember what it was like, if I ever had that time. I'm just sick. My room, my bed used to be the place I felt beace at but now not at all. I'm just stuck and alone.
Its 11am... after classes
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What Its Like With Eating Disorders
RandomDISCLAIMER Sometimes I can't talk to anyone about it so I'll talk on here what its like for me to live with eating conflicting disorders even then it is hard because I can't get it out or in a nice way. Some are poetic some aren't. I don't fat shame...
