What Its Like With Eating Disorders

what its like to have a Binge ed

Trigger warning: I mention binging, and calories. And what its like.

I have so many around to speak with, but none to actually talk to. I can talk about my struggles or what I just did and they all think its fine. I binged for an hour at 1am but its fine because I'm
Not gaining to much weight.
"We all do it sometimes. I understand. I don't judge, you do you"
"At least there was some healthy foods in there right?" They all say.

People don't understand it at all, you can binge on both unhealthy and healthy foods, whatever you can get your hands on in the moment. binging isnt just on the food thats consumed. It has to do with how you black out and cram it all in, the big amount of calorie intake in a short time or even a couple hours. The coming to and seeing all the wrappers around you and not remembering the taste of any of it, the disgustedness of eating fluff & oreos things you don't even like because they are in the house. Eating things your allergic to like peanut butter or banana bread the stress of not being able to control yourself at holidays. The extreme guilt, hatred for yourself your body and lack of self worth. The repulsing thought of showing yourself in tight clothes or in public. The shameful way you hide the action. The frantic way of disposing the empty containers and the panic everytime someone mentions lunch date and such. The way you continue to bing while bursting into tears after realizing what you've done because nothing can stop it now.

People say they understand that "its okay" statement but unless you've had/have an eating disorder whichever one it may be don't tell me you understand or you wouldn't make such inaccurate comments. I can't talk to anyone either for this reason. I feel so alone.

I just binged I hate the part of me that does this. I got up to use the restroom it was 1am and next thing is 3 and all I've done is eat.