sinking upwards

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I sunk upward, waking up through the spiky gloppy clear paint, poking my brain and seeing vividly what its like to live as my shadow and as myself. I blinked away the liquid skewing my judgements, their voices are right I'm not just an ugly nobody, I'm dry and mundane to everyone and each speck of dust that flys away to find a better atmosphere. Im frustrating to myself and im frustrating to everybody in my life because I'm fucked up, he likes to starve me into being something, to be different but the other one, she makes me stress eat for hours at night, its a back n' forth bicker between the two inside my head. Im not fun/ny, im just a bland, dry with no humor, an idiot that's frustrating to everyone who really knows me. They put up with me but for what, why. I know they are all tired of it, I can see it on there faces

Eatimg disorders suck...trying to recover without wanting to sucks even more but its better then getting tube, maybe.

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