A Heart Full of Love: An Eposette Love Story

In My Life-Cosette

Cosette sighed as Marius walked away. Was this love, she wondered. She couldn't believe so. There wasn't any spark in her heart, no warmth, nothing. Although she found Marius cute, that was as far as her affection went for him. But was this how a girl was supposed to love a boy?

Cosette couldn't think of any other way. The only man she'd ever loved was her father, and she didn't think that was equal to the love you were supposed to feel for a lover or a husband.

Other girls seemed to know what love felt like. She remembered being a young girl at the convent, when all the other girls would whisper to each other about the handsome men and boys that would pass outside. Though they would point these people out to Cosette, the golden-haired girl couldn't see how any girl could feel any sort of attraction to them. Yes, some of them were nice-looking, but she felt nothing else towards them.

Cosette threw herself on her bed in frustration. What was wrong with her? Not one boy had ever interested her in her life. Would she be alone forever?

Cosette couldn't imagine that. Though she loved her father with everything in her, she didn't want to stay with him for the rest of her life, she wanted to get out into the world. And the only way she saw women doing that was by getting a husband and falling in love. But why couldn't Cosette even bring herself to have a simple crush on a boy?

Cosette sat up and walked over to her window, thinking to herself. She had certainly had crushes before, there was no denying that. She remembered her second year at the convent, when she was around 9-years-old. There was a girl in her class named Marie, and Cosette had fallen head over heels for that girl. Marie had sun-tanned skin and dark eyes that stormed when she was angry, which only increased Cosette's interest. Cosette had told the nun teacher, Sister Blanche, about her crush on Marie, but the nun had only laughed.

"Silly child, silly Cosette," she said. "You just want to be friends with Marie, that's all. Girls only have crushes on boys."

Even at that age, Cosette knew that Sister Blanche was wrong. And as Cosette grew older, her feelings for other girls only deepened. Though she no longer had any attraction for Marie, other girls always seemed to catch her eye. She could name all of her crushes, Marie, Catherine, Louise, Aveline, Chloë, and Charlotte, and she remembered the deep affection she had felt for all of them. But with that affection, there was always guilt. Sister Blanche's words had stuck with her, and Cosette believed that something was wrong in her head. But she would fight. She could make herself love boys. She could make herself love Marius.

These thoughts made Cosette unhappy and she wanted to cry from the burden of these feelings she had. Sitting by the window, she tipped her head forward, letting the sadness engulf her, for love, true love, could never be hers.

Strangely, Cosette was beginning to feel a peculiar sensation, like the hairs on the back of her neck rising, the feeling of being watched. She looked up, and her eyes caught with the dark ones of a raggedy, impoverished girl behind the fence.

And in that moment, Cosette felt her heart beat faster and a strange tugging deep inside her, as if her very soul was trying to break free of her body.

This confused Cosette, but she did know one thing.

She had to talk to that girl.