sugawara x depressed! reader || wings

Chapter 6: Anime night and emotional breakdowns

i don't know what to say except... thank you for being here

. . .

"Anyways... what do you want to do tonight?"

"Hmm..." You pressed your lips together, thinking. "I know!

Let's watch some anime!"

"Sure," He nodded, reaching onto his shelf for a laptop. "I'll get some blankets."

Fast forward ten or so minutes and you were scrolling through Crunchyroll for popular shows and movies, sharing a blanket on the top of his bed.

"Sugawaraaaaaa," You whined rolling over. You groaned seeing there was no Akudama Drive or Horimiya streaming. "Why the fuck are you on a legal site?"

The boy deadpanned. "Why wouldn't I be-"

"Geez, what an angel," You murmured. He blushed. "Oh ho ho lemme show you the good stuff-"

You scrolled on Google for some pirated sites, settling on KissAnime (rest in peace). You decided to show him a few and make him an account so that he could watch more anime and become an advanced weeb like you.

You smiled, pointing at a few of them and saying you remembered them, laughing aloud when you found the volleyball anime you binged mere weeks ago.

"Yeah! That volleyball anime was one of my favorites, the players are hot, the animation's on-point, the plot is interesting, and the OSTs are wonderful~! The only thing I'd have to comment on is how underrated the dub was until recently, it's hilarious! I recommend watching it, you'd be surprised as to how great it is," Sugawara watched in amusement as you went off about the popular anime. He flushed, your admiration for things you loved (even if it was a sports anime, driven by the attractive characters) reminding him a bit of himself. He snapped out of it, focusing back on the screen instead of your face. "Don't even get me started on the fandom-"

You paused, realizing you had been droning on about a singular anime for a good five minutes straight. You felt heat rush to your face, realizing you had shown him your true excitement, your clear weeb side. "I'm sorry, I got a bit carried away," You chewed on the inside of your lip, staring at the computer's keyboard.

"It's okay! It's nice to see you so excited about something, especially since it's volleyball-related," He chuckled. You glanced at him, his gaze still fixed to the screen.

"What about this one? It has good reviews," You gestured at a 2 hour movie. "A Silent Voice."

"Sure, why not?"

You clicked "play" and scooched closer to the screen, pressing your side to Suga's. As the intro played, you focused yourself 100% on the laptop.

The colorful intro played, introducing the main character. Sugawara grinned at how absorbed you were into the anime. Even though it was about something minor, he was happy to see you genuinely enjoying yourself.

When a funny or relatable scene came up, he'd glance back at you, watching in amusement as you giggled along with the joke, his chuckle joining in soon after.

!WARNING! Ahead is slight spoilers for the first 10-15 minutes or so of "A Silent Voice" (nothing major, just a scene or two at the beginning)

If you wish to skip, scroll to the next bolded text and continue from there.

He started to realize he was focusing more on you than the movie itself. Slowly, he became confused, watching your countenance twitch into something less expressive. Your eyes looked blanker while you watched the main character cross X's on the days of the calendar, ripping off the next months, and feeling alone in the crowded hallways of his school.

You knew what the character was trying.

You understood. 

You knew it was just a movie.

Then why did it feel like a memory?

Why did you feel so... numb?

Sugawara, concerned, turned back towards the screen. Then he finally noticed why you looked that way.

"Oh, (Y/n)-" He closed the laptop cover in panic as the main character stood on the edge of the bridge, ready to jump.

For some reason, something sparked in your mind, and half a day's worth of emotions came spilling out.

You sat up. "Why did you stop it?"

"What do you mean?" Koushi, confused, got off the bed to face you.

"Why did you stop the movie?" You asked him, a bit aggressively, your voice raising with each word. "Why do you always have to stop someone? How do you know it'll solve any problems? How do you know that Ishida jumping wouldn't solve the conflict? What if it would help?"

annnd that's the end of the movie portion. if you skipped it, it might be a teensy bit confusing but it's mainly an extended metaphor about the beginning of the movie. funny story, i never actually finished "a silent voice"

Sugawara moved back, surprised at your sudden outburst. "(Y/n), I think we should put on another movie."

"See, this is why you won't understand me," You ranted, tears starting to blur your vision. You felt so overwhelmed with various emotions, you didn't mean to target them at him. "You won't let things just happen, and once you solve what you think was the problem, you don't even confront it directly. You tell me not to avoid my problems, but you do the exact same thing!"

"Well, what was I supposed to do?" Suga started, his concern turning into irritation. How naive could you be? "I can't control when our body swap happens, you know that! Did you expect me to, once I knew you wanted to, just let you die? Do you think I'd let you die, knowing it'd hurt me, too if you did?"

"Why would you care?!" You said, frustrated. "Y-You didn't even know me! You could've let me go, you could've waited until we swapped back and dropped it!"

"I can't."

"Why the hell can't you just... mind your own business?!" Now you were basically shouting, overcome with resent. Silence filled the room.

You exhaled sharply and walked into his bathroom, hoping you would calm down.

His eyes downcast, the bubbling emotions from the argument already dying down, he mumbled what he had barely realized.

"... I can't just ignore the life of someone I care about too much."

. . .

K SO

imma start doin this bc yes

songs i listened to while writing this (may or may not have influenced the chapter):

silly girl . chloe moriondo

rät . penelope scott

i'm okay though . sara kays

putting a spin on listen before i go . egg

prom queen . beach bunny

the one that got away . brielle von hugel [not the og; its sadder ;w;]

putting a spin on sweater weather . egg

girls . girl in red

anarchy . egg [i listen to a lot of egg-]

peppermint smiles . tiffi

summer depression . girl in red

we fell in love in october . girl in red

lit (from "a silent voice") . moises nieto [issa piano cover]

watashi no r . bird in a box [i also have the og vocaloid and rolling girl in there]

there are more but like i dont wanna expose my whole spotify yk- also theres a hella lot of girl in red and 🙈✨

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER; I HAVE BIIIG PLANSSS~ BE EXCITED I DARE U

bree (the one with the long author notes)