Not a Dream 18+ (REVISING)

08

Life is really playing with me. The last time I checked, I am living with my child and grandma but now, the house feels full with all the people i met before.

Sooyoung's family are here, playing with my baby and sharing stories I missed. I feel sorry of what I did, they said they never had any hard feelings towards me nor they hate me. They just wished I didn't leave and face the harsh world alone.

But with everything that happened, I don't have any regret. Things happened for a reason, everything are bound to be better. Yes, maybe I became distant to people, but that doesn't mean I am still holding grudges towards the people who caused me pain. I realized that morethan them, it is me who really put myself in darkness.

"You're really ending it?" aooyoung asked. I nodded. Yoongi has been visiting me every now and then, bringing gift for my baby, and playing with her. He is persistent.

If the situation is different, if he didn't have to marry someone else or if he is the father who abandon us, maybe we can still another shot, maybe I will forgive him, maybe we can end up with each other because he is still the yoongi I know, the one that knows how to love and appreciate everything that is dear to me.

"The day he left everything ended. I just want to do this not for me, but for him. It was hard for me but I am sure it was harder for me. I've move on, but he is still holding on to the feeling we once have." I said.

I thought by ignoring him, he will understand that everything is already over but I realized that yoongi never care about his instict, he only listen to me, thats how it used to be.

Mrs. Park stand up and sit beside me. She held both of my hard before giving me a warm smile. "It was heavy seeing you because I can't help but to reminisce how lively you used to be when you we're a child. But you know what? I am starting to appreciate how you ended up. You're such a wise and matured lady now. I am relieved because I know, no one will ever hurt you, no one will ever take advantage of you."

Not until I met them, I realized how light it is now compared to before. I feel like I am back to life.

After an hour of talking, yoongi came bringing sweets and flowers again. He is as sweet as before, sadly we grew apart and these kind of staffs no longer flutter me anymore, but I appreciate it.

I can feel his stare beside me. We've been walking for half an hour now.

"Aren't you tired? I can go get my car, just wait for me." he said but I shook my head. When I think this is the right spot, I stopped and look at him.

I smile as I look at every part of his face. I used to trace this face thinking how could a man that is so fine, fall inlove with me. His eyes, when looking at mine, they shine. I love them, they make me feel love.

"As time goes by, I can't help but to realized how big your part is, on my life. From giving me the reason how to live to making me realize how I should live." his lips parted, wanting to say something but no voice came out of his mouth. "You always thought that you love me morethan I ever did and I thought, it's true but when you left, I started doubting it. If you love me morethan I ever did then why did you left unheard?"

I see pain on his eyes and I'm sure he is seeing it on me too. "I don't wanna lose you. I can't afford to lose you. I don't wanna see you hurting, that's why I cowardly left. I thought when that marriage end, I can just come back and make things right, I know i am so pathetic for thinking that." He blink twice trying to stop tears from falling." It was hard that i fool myself thinking that it will be that easy."

"You think I can wait for you for five years?" I asked. Maybe I can, but the world won't allow it. 2 years ago, everything changed.

"They told me that it will only be 2 years, i didnt read the contract, i was lost knowing that i have no choice."

I sigh, even the situation doesn't want us to end together.

"If you came back to years ago then maybe we can still work on things but you didn't. I was inlove with you and I won't deny that you are still important to me. But we're now on different book there's no way we can share the same book again." he look away before lowering his head.

"Just tell me that you want me again and I can turn impossible to possible."

"But I won't allow it."

"I can be a father to light, I can prove you that I love you, I can give you everything."

"I won't let you."

And it's not because I don't want him to do those, but because he deserve better. We already outgrown each other in different ways.

"seungwan..." his voice is pleading but nothing can change my mind now.

"You're gonna start a family. You just have to love where you are now."

"You don't know how I kept on imagining you as the mother of my children, that thought kept me alive."

"We are not meant to be. Accept that."

"How about you? Are you going to raise your child alone? I can stay here, i can help you. You don't have to accept me again just let me stay by your side." and the tears that I've been trying to stop from streaming fell uncontrollably.

"You don't need to do that. Thank you." I accepted the fact that i will love him forever, he is my first love anyway. "If things did not happen, I won't learn how to live alone, I won't learn how to stand up on my own feet. I was so dependent to you and it is never safe."

"But I don't want you to leave alone." I chuckle, yoongi never really changed. He is still the same guy who will always prove that he love you morethan anything.

Someday you'll realize why we are not made for each other. You'll be happier, maybe not now but someday you'll by that." I wipe his eyes when it start streaming down his face." I met him, the father."

"did you tell him already?"

I shook my head. "That guy, from the first time i met him, he kept on confusing me. I don't know when he is sincere."

"Did you love him?"

That's also a question I have for myself.

"I don't know. All I know is that, for a very short period of time, I was happy. He made me want to try again, he made me dive for whatever he want. When I was with you, you made me feel great, and so I kept on proving myself that I deserve your description but when I met him, I realized that I am not as great as how you think I am and for the first time in my life, I realized that it is okay."

" You mean more to me that anyone else, I'm afraid to see the day without looking forward in seeing you and until now, I am not sure if i can do it but hearing to talk about him, I'm sure that you will be happy. Just promise that you will be happy."

"I just met him but that doesn't mean we will be together."

"Just be happier than me."

---

Last chapter left. I'm not sure if i gave justice to this story but I hope you still appreciate it. Comment your thought and please vote you you like it. I'm sorry for late update I was really busy.