Not a Dream 18+ (REVISING)

09

He is gone...

I started walking but slowly. He is gone, and now, he is not coming back. He is the one I am with when I experience almost all the beautiful, happiest and memorable moments in my life.

I was shock when someone bump in front of me. "Aren't y-" But I am more shock when I saw who it is. "Taehyung?" he is looking down when I look at him.

"Seungwan?" He asked, he is shock as well and it is written on his face

I have all the words prepared if ever i'll have the chance to see him again. I remember having a lot in mind but instead of bursting them all out now, I decided to just turn my back on him as I started walking away from where he is standing. I feel so drain, talking to him is the last thing I want to do after everything that had happened.

My mind is blank, nothing changed apart from finally having it done with yoongi but it feels like i am starting again. Starting from the beginning and not knowing how to i survive another plot that life has to offer. 

when i reached home, i immediately lay in bed beside light. I always thought that you can never find peace with one person, you will never be completely happy and they can never give you rest but when she came into my life, my perspective changed, it is actually possible, only if you will choose to expand your perspective, only if you can go out of the box. 

Taehyung Pov

I followed her, cause I know there's no way she'll talk to me.

All this time I thought it's irene that I'm waiting for, that I'm longing for but when I met her again, I realized that it's done between us, it's long gone. I waited all these years for nothing.

Seeing seungwan is more than just seeing her. I feel too much emotion meeting her again and I don't ever know how to explain all these feelings I have.

I spend just a week with her but the almost two years of being apart from her doesn't feel right, it is as if I belong on the world she is in and she is only meant to be by my side.

When she walk out of the taxi, I saw how down her expression is but she doesn't look as miserable as the first time I saw her. Maybe she is not the most beautiful or she doesn't have the perfect body, she ain't as interesting as others or not as cute as most of the girls but she is seungwan and for unknown reason, you want to get to know her more. She create her own without trying to fit in any standards and it somehow makes her unique, distinct from everybody else.

A lot of times, I planned of stopping from what I am doing during those days because I don't think I will ever understand her. There's just something about her that is so complicated but she's seungwan, the girl you'll get addicted with, for unknown reason and it is never safe, cause she will fill your mind with a lot of thought. She will drive you crazy. I was just playing around, enjoying life till irene chose to come back, everything was just a dare but after that I lost interest with any women. I know that she's looking for me but I never mind showing up because I am confuse. I know I did something wrong and I'm afraid that I'll end up hurting her. In the first place everything started because of a dare, there's no way I'll take advantage of that game and make her mine. I'm afraid of the possibility of not making it till the end.

I used to ignore anyone's feeling. As much as i am enjoying it and it makes me happy, then i'll go for it. But when i met her, i started caring because i don't wanna cause her the same amount of pain, her past has given her. her presence is just so heavy.

The surprise that we prepared for her as she wakes up in the morning, that is part of the plan. I know that it will somehow break her but even with a lot of doubt, i still chose make the dare successful because the consequence could change my life. I was freed from that place i am living all my life, i receive my freedom because of that dare. 

yeah, i have a lot of doubt, i started caring for her but i was just with her for a week. i told myself that i will never exchange my freedom just for a woman i met in just a little while. 

But everyday, when I thought I did what's right, I ended up regretting it. Cause after that, I never felt happy, I never enjoyed anything else again.

So now that I know where to look for her, I'll never let her slip away. Two years were like a curse. I am living, but never really.

I went out of my car and knock on their door. A woman on her 60's came out. "What can i do for you?" she asked. 

"I am looking for seungwan." I said. she smiled and let me in.

"I've been seeing you parking your car in front of our house and it is never creepy since you look good, there's no way you are up for something bad. What's weird is that, why are you just there, looking?" oh, so she notice me, now i'm embarrassed. 

"I am a terrible guy to seungwan, i don't think she will like seeing me here." i said that made her frown, terrible isn't enough to describe the the person i am before. Even in my age, i was really just a kid just like how she used to referred to me.

"Unless you are the guy who went missing after getting her pregnant then you're go-" but seungwan who is now on the stairs, carrying a baby cutted her words.

"I believe you shouldn't be letting a stranger enter our house and share information that they're not interested about." Her voice is calm but her eyes are cold, it is as if it never look at me so warmly before. She was about to walk upstairs again but i run towards her. I look at the baby she is holding and my knee went weak when i got a glimpse of her. "Go away. Disappear just like what you did before." My hand tremble as i tried reaching her out, so all this time it wasn't a dream.

I found it creepy, dreaming of a baby and actually seeing her face but she's actually my daughter and i am actually a father.

"What's her name?" I feel overwhelm that i feel like crying. I cant believe i am really seeing the baby from my dream. 

"Don't touch her." More than words, that felt like a dagger that stab my heart.

Seungwan Pov

It surprises me, seeing him this way. There's no way he will man up. He look so happy and that actually scared me.

"Don't touch her." I said, afraid that he will take her away for me. i saw how his expression change but i don't care. 

"She exactly looks like me, you can't deny that she's my daughter." i started walking upstairs but after a few steps, he stopped me by holding my shoulder. "I am the father right?' He asked.

"I can make a living for the both of us, i am sure of that. light will stay with me, i won't let you take her away from me." I said without looking at me.

"I won't take her away from you. Just tell me, is she my daughter?" and i nodded before finally making my way upstairs. Just like what he said, she look exactly like him. there's no way i can deny that.

And that day, everything changed. He was so consistent of  visiting light. True to his words, he never took light away from me. if he wants to spend his day with his daughter, he will spend the day at our house. He also sleep either on the cough or at the floor, anywhere he can, as long as he can see his daughter. 

i am not numb or dumb to not notice how he is also trying to be on good terms with me. everyday, he has flowers with him. at first i kept on throwing them away but when he noticed how they disappear in just an hour or a two, he decided to put them on the vase to serve as a decoration right away. Now my apartment look like a flower shop. He also bought albums of my favorite band which i think he learned from grandma or maybe because i kept on listening different artist.

maybe its because i wasn't able to be with him for a long time that I am surprise at how gentle and loving he is. The image of him being a kid, someone who is happy go lucky and someone who doesn't know much about life, changed. He really looks like a father now. 

He is consistent and i appreciate that, light won't grow without a father which is my worries before. what i am thinking about is, how will she understand out situation?

She has a father and a mother, but we're not together. 

-👱‍♀️-

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