Living with Pain

Chapter 10: Fibro Fog and Anxiety

Sky

My head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. The noise and lights in the hallway makes it hard to concentrate on my locker combination. I glare at the offending piece of metal.

Mayson skips over to my locker, in a chipper mood. "Come with me to the dance room. I gotta practice my dances for the play. Also, Dillion will be there, and Cash." She wiggles her eyebrows up and down.

"Who's Dillion? I thought David was your crush of the semester." Sure, I can remember the name of her latest crush, but not my locker combination.

"Dillion is hotter. And nicer. He's also a dancer who helps teach the drama kids how to dance, so I get to see him during practices for the play."

I sigh, knowing fighting is useless. "Fine. But just because it's so fun to watch you drool over your crushes."

"Yay!" Mayson turns to lead the way.

"Wait, locker com?"

She flips around and spins the dial smoothly, letting me into my locker. Now that it was open I can't even remember what I needed from my locker. I grab a random notebook from inside to prevent seeming even more brainless than I already feel. Stupid fibro fog, I curse.

My heart speeds up as we near the dance room, but I know it's too late to back out now. I walk into the room for the first time in a long time. The bleachers are filled with clusters of kids. The wooden floor squeaks in a few places as I walk across it.

I try to ignore my reflection on the wall of mirrors. My self consciousness flares as I glimpse my lackluster appearance, especially compared to the other girls in the room. My long hair is pulled into a high ponytail and I'm wearing my typical t-shirt and jeans.

A group of girls surround Cash. A girl with bleach dyed hair and a face plastered with makeup laughs at something he says, smacking his arm playfully. Before I can make up a lame excuse and leave, he sees me.

His face lights up with a smile. Mayson notices and shoves me in his direction before abandoning me to practice her dances with Dillion. I'm frozen in place, torn between running away and hiding forever in a dark hole or facing Cash. Cash makes the choice for me when he leaves his small fan club to embrace me in a hug.

"How are you feeling?"

"Um-a better. Better than yesterday," I mumble, taking in his sweet scent.

"I'm glad," Cash pulls away. "What do you think of my kingdom?" He gestures to the dance room.

"Your kingdom?" I raise an eyebrow. He responds with a crooked smile and a wink.

"He means our kingdom," Rush saunters over.

"Whatever. You're just jealous I beat you and your partner last week at the competition. Again. I like to win," Cash directs the last sentence to me with another wink.

I feel heat flash through my core. I know my face is red. I'm not sure what to say or even where to look. It seems so stupid to get flustered over a simple conversation. Maybe I just needed one more day at home. The music was suddenly too loud and there were too many people in the room.

Before I choke out a lame excuse to leave, the bell rings for the first class of the day. I mutter a quick goodbye and rush out the door.

I slump into my chair in first period and take a couple deep breaths, thankful for the familiar chair, familiar room, familiar faces, and familiar drone of the teacher's voice as she starts her lecture. My heart rate slows down as I doodle on the edge of my notebook. I now feel embarrassed by my overreaction to the situation. I just get so overwhelmed sometimes and the stimulation was too much.

For the first time since I met Cash, I dreaded seeing him in third period. I had made a fool of myself and now I have to live with the consequences.

--

I'm one of the first people in the classroom during third period. I busy myself looking over the work I missed yesterday. I'm so engrossed in my notes that I jump when I hear my name.

"Hey, Sky." I look up to see Cash standing right in front of me.

"Hey," I give a half smile, my face already turning red. Again. Stupid social anxiety.

"It was nice to hang out with you this morning. I-" he's interrupted by the teacher calling the class to order. He moves to his seat with an apologetic smile.

So maybe my earlier rushed exit wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I was known to blow things out of proportion...

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Authors Note

I don't know how many of you out there struggle with fibro/brain fog or anxiety, but if you do you know that the smallest situations can seem much more disastrous than they are. That's what I'm going for here. 

On that note, I had some real annoying fibro fog today at work. I kept forgetting my thoughts halfway through a sentence and combining words into nonsense. Thankfully my coworkers and I can just laugh it off. They've gotten good at figuring out what I mean.