Living with Pain

Chapter 24: Broken

Sky

Cash is sitting right there, staring at me with his dark expression of worry. I can tell he's trying to be patient, I just don't know where to start.

"Is something wrong? Is it about the whole kissing thing? Or because you overheard me talking to Rush about wanting you to be my girlfriend?"

"You what?" My head snaps up and I look at him.

He chuckles softly and looks down, "I guess you hadn't overheard that. Whoops. But I do-"

"Wait." I put my finger over his lips. I can't let him say more. Not until he hears me out.  "I- I need to tell you something. Before you go all mushy gushy and I just put it off again. You deserve to know before you commit to anything with me."

The look of concern that crinkles his eyebrows is almost too much. He grabs my hands out of my lap and holds them tight, turning me to face him better.

"Okay. You know I'll listen."

"It's a long story," I repeat.

"We got time," he repeats.

Gosh, why was this so hard? I guess I've never told my story out loud. Those who knew about my condition either went through it with me (family) or were just told my diagnosis (friends). But he deserves to hear how broken I am.

I take in one last deep breath...

"Okay. So, I used to dance. For as long as I can remember. I did a little bit of everything, ballet, hip hop, jazz, modern, lyrical. When I was eight, I joined a dance company- Spirit of Dance- and started competing in contemporary dance which essentially combines multiple elements of different dance genres.

"I loved it. The thrill of competing. And I was really good at it. Like really good. My coach was sure I could get into one of the top performing arts schools in the nation if I kept competing and working hard. And that is exactly what I had planned. I spent all my time dancing and working out so I would be ready. Nothing was going to stop me."

"Near the end of eighth grade, we had a huge competition- nationals. If I did well, I would be guaranteed a spot on Spirit of Dance's top youth team for the ninth grade year, something rare for someone my age." I close my eyes, remembering that week.

"What happened?"

"It was amazing. The whole week was amazing, but the last day was perfect. It was actually my birthday- I was turning 14. My team won the major event. And I won a few of my individual events. It couldn't have gone better. It was the biggest high of my life. I was surrounded by my amazing team mates, my family, and my friends. It was perfect."

I sigh, opening my eyes and rubbing my palms on my jeans. I stare at my feet, preparing for the next part of my story.

"That was the last good day that I remember." I take a deep breath.

"We didn't have dance practice for the three weeks after that competition because the dance studio was being refloored and painted. That didn't stop me from practicing though. I used the set up in the garage to dance, worked out at the gym, and ran.

"One day, about a week after the competition, I was running when a stabbing pain started in my side." My hand goes to my left rib cage, rubbing the spot where it all started. "At first I thought it was just a side ache. But then the pain spread to my entire rib cage. It suddenly hurt to breath- like hot daggers being shoved between my ribs.

"I took my inhaler-"

"Asthma?" Cash asks.

I nod. "I thought it was just an asthma attack or something. I hadn't had problems for a long time, but it was spring and pollen made my asthma flare up on occasion.