Picture perfect - Book 1 - Q.F.

Mattress

A/N: Okay, so I'm unsure how I feel about this chapter. I'm posting it earlier today, though, so that I can post another later on. One that I feel better about. So... As usual, let me know your thoughts and, later, we're having Sectionals!

Kurt rushed into the choir room, placing some books over the piano and causing everyone to stop what they were doing to gather around him as well.

"Where's Rachel?" The boy asked, looking around as he noticed the missing girl.

"She's not here yet." Finn said.

"Perfect." Kurt nodded, before looking around at his friends in the room with a very serious look in his eyes. "Glee club stands on a delicate precipice. We have all felt the cold humiliation of a slushy in the face. But as of right now, our relative anonymity as a club shields us from more severe persecution: swirlies, patriotic wedgies..."

"What's a patriotic wedgie?" Mercedes frowned.

"It's when they hoist you up the flag pole by your undies." Finn explained, clearly embarrassed, possibly having taken part of a few of those patriotics wedgies before.

"Strangely, it did make me feel more American." Artie said, and, even though Piper couldn't tell if he was being serious or not, she couldn't stop herself from laughing.

"Based on my investigation, I am of the opinion that a yearbook photo would only fuel the flames of anti-glee-club terror." Kurt said, as he continued his speech as if he had never been interrupted at all, pulling open a few books to show his peers. "I've done a little library research. Peter Gellar. Glee club second tenor, 1998. He can be seen here with both a drawn on Hitler mustache and rice paddy hat. Shortly after the yearbook came out, Mr. Gellar had a nervous breakdown. He is now the homeless man who sleeps in front of the public library."

"Patches?" Quinn frowned, as Kurt nodded.

"Patches."

"He barks at my mom." Brittany commented and, for the first time, Piper felt like comment actually made a lot of sense.

"Exhibit B: Tawny Peterson, glee club class of 2000, seen here in her photo with a cartoon knife stuck in her head, in a macabre tableau that, in four years would prove eerily prescient." Kurt continued after a second, opening another one of the yearbooks and showing them a picture of an old glee club, all defaced. "I think I speak for all of us when I say that not having to pose for a yearbook photo might be a blessing in disguise. I suggest not fighting Figgins' ruling."

After that, there were no objections everyone just quietly nodding at their silent agreement. As soon as Mr. Schue walked into the choir room with a smile on his face, however, they knew they were doomed.

"Oh, hey, guys." He greeted, before his eyes fell on the yearbooks Kurt had pulled out from the library. "Ah, looking at old Thunderclaps?"

"It's really unsettling." Artie said.

"And totally unfair." Mr. Schue nodded at the boy, clearly missing his nerves, as usual, reaching over to grab one of the yearbooks. "Hey, can I borrow one of these? You know what? This year's thunderclap is going to have a glee club photo with every one of your smiling faces. You have my word on it."

***

Kurt and Piper were sitting by the piano, messing around a bit, giggling quietly together, until no one other than Rachel Berry appeared beside them with a huge smile on her face — the one she always had on when she had one of her brilliant ideas that usually ended up not being that great after all.

"Piper, Kurt, I have a fantastic idea for a club that would officially make me the most involved student in the whole school." Rachel told them as the two of them frowned at her. "I want us to start a GayLesbAll."