Dancing In The Fire (Alastor X Reader)

Letting Go

You could feel your body trembling. 𝐼𝑡𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑎 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚! 𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝 𝑤𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝 𝑤𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝! Why did it feel so real? Why does it feel like your reliving that day? You put it behind you! You should have moved on past it! Why was it still haunting you?! Your head was shouting at you, your palms were sweating, as you stared at her, dead. You didn't even know who she was! What she could have been! And you let her die, because of your jealousy! Your spoiled! Selfish! Unworthy of the love you wanted! The peace you wanted! You are nothing!

𝑌/𝑁 𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝! 𝑌/𝑁 𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝! 𝑌/𝑁 𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑒- you stopped thinking, but the shouting continued. "𝑌/𝑁 𝑊𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑢𝑝!" You gasped for air and sat up. You looked around, you were in your hotel room. As your senses kicked in, you felt the weight of a hand on your shoulder. In a jumpy state, you turned your head in a flash, and saw Alastor, sitting on his knees beside you. You were on the floor. Husker and Charlie were standing in the doorway. "What...? I...?.." you looked at Alastor, he had a faint smile on his face. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" Alastor voice filled your ears. "Husker was walking by, when he head a loud bang, when he came to get me to check on you, and you didn't answer the door, Alastor happened to walk by and he opened the door to check on you, you were on the floor shouting to yourself.." Charlie said softly to you. You touched your forehead, without answering her. You were drenched in sweat. Alastor hummed. "Husker my good friend, retrieve a cold wet towel for dear Y/N." He commanded. Husker twitched and winced. "Hey I'm not some kind of dog who just!-" he stopped shouting and looked at your state, and silenced himself, before turning away, to what you assume was to get the towel like Alastor said. Completely unlike him.

You thought about whatever had happened in your.. dream..? What even was it? The fear surged through your body, and you felt yourself grabbing the front of Alastor's suit, and pulling your face into his chest. You cried. He threw his hands up for a moment, in surprise, before returning them to you. He hugged you gently, and stroked his hand through your hair comfortingly. "There, there, Y/N. Your okay now. Everything will be okay.." his voice was soft and gentle towards you. Yeah.. everything was okay now.

By now Husker had returned with the requested towel, and it was laid on your forehead. You had been placed on your bed, and Alastor had pulled up a chair beside you. "Alastor, are you coming?" Charlie said while midway out the door. "No.." he said. That was actually, all he had said. Charlie waited for him to say something more, and when he didn't, she closed the door quietly.

Alastor was staring at the sheets of your bed, as you sniffled and wiped away access tears from your face. He was silent, he didn't speak, though you wished he would so it would break the awkward tension between the two of you. You rolled onto your side, turning your back towards him, having to hold the towel across your forehead in place. He cleared his throat silently. "Would you like me to leave you in peace?" His voice echoed in the silence. After a few moments, you shook your head. No. You didn't. He chuckled slightly behind you. "Now then Y/N.." you turned back to face him, with a doozy look on your face. "Do you mind telling me.. what all that was about?" Your eyes widened, you looked away, and stayed quiet for a few seconds. "I.. I promised I'd keep it in the past.." the words barely escaped as a whisper from your lips. Alastor scooted his chair closer to you, and placed one of his large hands on your bed. "Well.. sometimes.. at least I think, its better to share what you want to let go of with someone you trust.. so it feels like it's off your chest, and gone forever." You let those words sink in for a few moments. "But I'd get, I'm not a first choice of trust." He finished. "No!" You sat up quickly. He looked surprised. "I mean, uhm.. your probably one of the only demons in hell.. that I'd trust.." he grinned. "Then let's hear what you have to say." You laid back down, and exhaled. Preparing to let go, forever.

"When I was in highschool.. it was never easy. All the students with perfect bodies, perfect faces.. the on brand clothes they wore that fitted so nicely around their bodies..  they all made me jealous, I wanted to be like them. Popular, social, with the latest phone models. But instead I was the kid sitting in the corner of the library.. book in hand, wearing a baggy hoodie and jeans. They all made fun of me for it. Because I wasn't like them. I couldn't be, no matter how hard I tried to. When I was trying to be like them, they tormented me. When he wasn't trying to be like them.. the exact same. So one day.. a group of girls, a group of the 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙 girls in the school approached me at lunch. They tore my book away from me and ripped through the pages, they pulled me up by the hood and beat me. Scolded me. For not fitting in. So.. I did the only thing I could. One by one, I ended them. On a school trip, I pushed one girl into the lake. At lunch, a put rat poison into another girls milk carton. And the third.." you paused. "She had the most lovely silky hair.. so blond and perfect.. and eyes like the sea.. I loured her into my house.. mom wasn't home.. she was never home. When she was inside I pushed her down the basement stairs, following close behind with an axe in hand. I wanted her death to be the most painful. I was the most jealous of her. I tired her down, so first she could witness me chopping up her hair in a short, sloppy, messy way. Then her eyes.. I ripped them out of their sockets with my nails.. she screamed in pain.. and a wailed at her, hitting her over and over, until she fell silent.. and she bled out." You looked at your hands, and rubbed your fingers together softly.

"Well then Alastor," you said seemingly calmly. "I let go. Now do you see how I am..? Do you want to run and hide from me? Radio Demon?" You almost forgot that, Alastor has a similar murderous lifestyle down in hell. He smiled crazily at you, "of course not my dear," he cooed, "we are very much alike." You looked away from him, alike? That wasn't really what you wanted to hear.. but you know he meant it in a comforting way.. right?

He placed his hand on your cheek, and stroked it gently with his thumb. "Darling, none of us chose whats already destined to happen. We are stuck to live with it." He said in his static radio like voice. You felt a strong urge to withdraw under your covers as Alastor stared at you from above. You went quiet. You realized he wasn't staring at you, but rather his gaze was fixed off into space. "Y/N, do you fear me?" He asked so suddenly. You sat up and looked at him in confusion, placing the towel aside. "No, why would you ask that?" He sighed and hadn't moved his eyes to another position once. "Vaggie is correct sweetheart, I am the Radio Demon, and what I do will not change. I will forever be a dominant being who will counter on the overlords. It is my nature. It was my past." He fixed his gaze into your eyes, steadily. "And unlike you my dear, I will not try to forget my past. It would be unlike me. I'd rather keep in in memory and use it when needed." You worried your brow at him. He must have noticed your expression quite quickly, because he spoke once more. "But that does not mean I want to hurt you, Y/N.. in fact, I want the complete opposite. I want to protect you." He leaned back in his chair, placing his hands in his lap.

You could feel yourself going flustered, but kept your face straight as possible. "I get it.. you don't want to be fixed.. you'd rather stay broken because, well, your not technically broken. But your so honest.. yet so evil. You always have a smile on your face even in your worst times. You comfort others before you can get to yourself.." you were unable to stop your words now. "I think that's why.. I love the Radio Demon."

A couple moments of silence passed, and when you realized what you had said, gasped ever so slightly, just so you could hear it. Your eyes met with his in an alarmed way. He stared at you, smirking. "Oh, I'm sorry, I know that was—" Before you could finish your sentence, he scooted close to you, and grabbed your face in one hand, and pecked you on the cheek gently. When he released you, he stood up. "My dear, I'll be on my way while you have some time to yourself." He brushed himself off, flicking a spec of dust from his hair that stuck out. Before turning to close the door, he gave a smile over his shoulder. An extremely calm smile.

When you heard the click of the door closing, you touched your cheek with your index and middle finger, were his lips had touched your face. You stayed like that for a long few minutes, before you could feel a smile creeping onto your face.