EYES ON ME | Kim Namjoon Au

∆ Chapter 13 ∆

Playlist
Jamais vu - BTS

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I boarded a bus and was finally home. Namjoon offered to drop me off at home but I refused it.  It hasn't been a day since we became friends. So I allowed him to accompany me till the bus stop. 

I was now sitting across my mom on the dining table, munching off tiny bits of my lunch. Mom broke the silence between us again.

"I'm still upset on you, y/n." 

I fixed my eyes on the plate to avoid her glare. I knew she would talk about it. 

"You ditched your father's party. He must have been mad at you. He would be blaming me for all the cause."

"I'm sure he had a great time with his family. Might as well say that he would have made out with his new wife while his son was taken care of a nanny." I scorned. "He's a man who knows how to merry his life away."

"No. He sounded rather angry this morning when he spoke to me."

"He called you? Such a rare event. I bet its gonna rain today." I scoffed. "Mom! Are you sure that the sun raised in the east? I feel like it happened the other way round today."

"Y/n. Stop this, will you? Disrespecting your father is not right. He still loves you."

"No, mom. I don't want to hear this again." I shook my head in disapproval. I took my plate and went to the kitchen to wash it. My mom followed behind.

"Why are you angry now? You did have fun at your friend's house instead of being with your father." Mom spat. 

"Yeah. I did have the happiest day of my life. But there's something you need to know." I turned and pointed at her. "Your ex-husband ruined it all. He made it worst for me. Thanks to him that my friends got worried and made me stay at their place for the night." I shouted at her face. I left the remaining dishes undone and grabbed a glass of water. I had to be cautious or else I'd end up hurting her. My temper was capable of it. 

My mom grabbed me by my shoulder. "What happened? Tell me everything this instant. Did he visit you at your friend's house?"

"Thankfully he didn't come to my friend's house or else he would have scared off the little girl there. He spotted me walking to the bus stop with my friend." I paused for a few seconds thinking of Namjoon and his friendship offer. "Well... He called me a slut and bet me up on the road. He even pushed off my friend who tried to save me from him." 

Namjoon must have regretted being my friend at that instant.

"Only God knows how but a patrolling duo appeared and took your ex-husband with them. Not to forget that he was recklessly drunk as well." I gasped for air at the end. Thinking of last night itself is making me feel exhausted. 

"Your father would never do such a thing to you." My mom stammered. 

"Well... He just did. He's no more the man you think he is."

"You were his favourite. During your middle school, he kicked a boy's butt just because he bullied you. I couldn't even imagine him hurting you. The quarrel was always between him and me." My mom was stupified. Her eyes glistened with tears.

"You have to wake up from the daze you are in." I hugged her to avoid her stumble down on the floor. "Things have changed long back. Everything broke three years ago. You are not to be blamed for what had happened in the past three years. It's not your fault that he left you. Please stop punishing yourself and have a life outside the hospital gates. You surely deserve a second chance. Find a man and get married if you want to. I don't mind having a step-father. But he should be worthy of receiving your love."

"What are you talking about? I'm not in my sweet twenties like you to find love. I have you. I only have you." She said.

"Dating is not wrong, mom. You deserve to be loved again. My affection alone won't suffice."

"You are enough. We are not talking about my re-marriage ever again. It's more complicated than you think. A divorcee won't find someone that easily."

I got infuriated by her words. She isn't ready to at least give it a thought. "You know what? You are used to this life. You are so used to the suffering that you don't even want to give it a try. You find warmth in wearing that blanket of pain on you. I'm done with this." I pushed her off from the hug. 

I quickly grabbed my bag that was on the couch and headed out of the house. My mom was calling me but I ignored. When I reached for the doorknob, she stopped me. 

"Please don't go." She cried.

"I'm not running away, mom. I'll be back. But give me some time to clear my head. I need some fresh air. I need peace." I smiled at her faintly and walked out of the house.

I was strolling around my neighbourhood with music from my phone blaring into my ears. The sky was clear and bright. It was a pleasant afternoon- ideal weather for going out with family and friends. I looked at teens riding their bicycles on the streets with happiness brimming on their faces. Gratefully or ungratefully, there is a beach near my neighbourhood. I walked towards the shore, hoping to de-stress myself from the pain that consumed me. As I gradually went closer to the shore I could spot families enjoying the picnic day. There were few couples too who walked hand in hand exchanging love talks. Groups of people who seemed to be like friends had their own merry time. On the whole, it looked like everyone around me was happy except me. That's how the world makes you feel so. 

Finally, upon reaching the shore, I removed my shoes and set them aside. I rolled up my pants to prevent it from getting wet. I let the waves crash my feet. Staring at the horizon that gleamed in golden, my inner thoughts started troubling me.

I do have friends. Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook, Naf, Hana and Dong Hee - they're always there for me. But I don't want to worry them with my sad life. That's my nature. I mask my pain with my smiles for my mother's sake. I rarely show my vulnerable side because I'm scared that the few I have around me would leave me one by one. 

Then there's this person who became my friend yesterday. Namjoon - my professor who befriended me, seems to be a nice person yet I'm not sure of it. Professors don't usually talk like this to their students, do they? Suspicious but not so suspicious at the same time. I found myself smiling at the thought of Namjoon.

People say that every cloud has a silver lining. Maybe being friends with Namjoon is a new beginning for me? I did think the same when I first made friends at university. Although my friends had helped me put aside the problems, those sorrows were out of my way only for a short period. The worries relapsed later and I was hesitant to talk about it again from square one.  

As the negativity reached its peak once again, tears made its way out of my eyes. I quickly wiped off the tears, wanting to run away somewhere else. I slipped my feet into my shoes and jogged away from the shore. On my way back, I bumped into someone accidentally and feel on the sand. 

"Hey! Are you hurt, cupcake?" A familiar voice asked me. 

"Jungkook! What are you doing here?" I gasped in astonishment.

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Hi all! It's good to be back. I know I've been on an unannounced hiatus for a while and I'm really sorry about it. Something or the other intrude my way and I end up not updating the book frequently, As for now, I'm on a very short break and my university will reopen soon after. I'm asked to prepare for the upcoming practical exams as well so I'm not really sure if I'd be able to update the next chapter in a few days. If I'm free I'll make sure to update. 

And again I have to say this. I'm so grateful for each of you who support this book with lots of love. I'm so glad that most of you reached out to me asking me to update the book asap. I feel so bad for keeping you all waiting. Thank you for loving the story. 

I hope all of you are safe and sound. 

Take care and don't forget to love yourself. 

Moncee Haruhi.