Something In Between: Sequel to On The Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 34

With each ring, my stomach dropped. It was my last hope. I had clung to the fact that I hadn't reached out, so I hadn't yet been entirely rejected. I didn't leave a message, mostly because I didn't know what to say. Was I sorry? I was sorry I hurt him, but I wasn't sorry that I didn't feel compelled to explain my ex's profession. In any other circumstances, it wouldn't have been a problem. Billy's work had nothing to do with Sam or me. It was Sam's issue to get over. I chose Sam. I'd still choose Sam if he let me.

My mind continued to whirl on my growing frustration, and in a way, Billy was being held responsible for Sam's insecurities. Sure, a healthy relationship should foster security between partners, but is that security at the disadvantage of a friend? Granted, I seemed to have a revolving problem of getting dangerously close to falling back out of the friend zone with Billy, but that was only an issue because we both happened to be dumped.

I needed to move. I charged downstairs with a bit more clip than necessary and plopped on a chair next to Mary.

"Things didn't end well?" There was a caution to Mary's voice, letting me know she was there to talk, but didn't want details.

"No, they did. Billy is on the phone with Sarah." I stabbed at a few puzzle pieces that wouldn't fit together.

"And you're upset about that?" Mary's voice grew softer.

"Oh no," I snapped my eyes to her. "I'm happy for Billy. Sarah is so much better for him than me. She can help him navigate this world in a way I'd never be able to offer. It's Sam..." I let my voice trail off. I didn't want to disparage Sam to anyone, let alone Billy's mom, but how was I supposed to get the building animosity out if I didn't talk to someone?

Mary dipped her gaze back to the puzzle. "Did he call?"

"No, I tried him, but he didn't answer."

"And that upset you?" She gently prodded.

"No, I expected him not to answer." I let out a sigh. "I just got thinking about the whole situation and, is it my fault?"

Mary didn't lift her eyes from the puzzle before her. "Does fault matter?"

"No," I sighed again, "I guess not. I understand where his feelings are coming from, but he doesn't see my side. I've been apologizing for my discretion around Billy. This wouldn't have happened if Billy were a mechanic."

Mary gently lifted her eyes to mine. "But Billy isn't a mechanic."

My fists clenched in frustration. Why was everyone constantly reminding me that Billy wasn't a mechanic? I knew Billy that. "Right, but I'm saying I shouldn't have to treat my previous relationship any differently because of his success."

Mary set her chin on her hand. "Let me ask you this: are you friends with any of your other exes?"

"Sure," I quickly said as my mind went through a few of my ex-boyfriends.

"Oh." she didn't bother to mask her surprise.

"I mean, I don't see them often or talk to them..."

"Because they live out of town and are busy," Mary continued for me.

"Um, no. They're mostly around Portland. We don't connect much."

Mary nodded and felt where this was headed. "And yet, with Billy, who lives out of state and is constantly preoccupied with his career, you make the time."

"Yeah, but that's not because of what he does. It's because he's special. He's more than an ex. He's my friend. Honestly, he's my closest friend. I can talk to him and know it won't affect us; he'll still love me even when I let all the dark and twisty out." I was lost in thinking of how forgiving and even welcoming Billy was of even my most acidic thoughts.