Something In Between: Sequel to On The Edge of Tomorrow

Chapter 46

Breakups should be loud and messy, the last fight for the affection that was once there. My breakup with Sam was quiet, peaceful, and mature, occurring on a lackluster late-summer Sunday after I had spent a month contemplating the comfort of life. I felt crazy; people spend their whole life looking for the comfort and security I had with Sam. He was a good man that showed me nothing but love, and I was about to blow it all up.

As I heavily fell to the couch, Sam knew what was coming. His typically magnetic brown eyes filled with sympathy for me, him, us.

"So, this is us..." I began.

He flicked off the football game to give me his full attention. "I know..."

I gazed out the window at the perfectly manicured matchbox yard that faced a copy of our house. The entire neighborhood was a rinse-and-repeat example of neighborhood planning. It was a wonder that I even managed to make it to the right home on a day-to-day basis.

"It's just..." I started.

"Not right," Sam finished.

"You feel it too?"

"Of course. I just... I wanted it to be a rut, Lilt. I love you." His eyes exuded an empty hope.

"I love you too, but I don't think it's a rut." Part of me wanted it to be a phase, something we could pull ourselves out of, but neither of us were fighting.

"What are you thinking?" He knew I'd have a plan; I always had a plan.

"Well," I began with a heavy sigh. "You're gone for work this week, so I figure I'll pack up some of my things and stay with Anna."

"Anna," he said her name with a tone of relief.

"Yeah, she has a spare room, and it's close to work." I was in the safety of logistics mode.

"I love you, Lily." He pulled himself up as he spoke. For a moment, I saw the man I met in a first-class seat ten years ago.

It all started with a flight attendant wanting my drink order and Sam offering me an anonymous nudge beside me. I hadn't imagined I'd ever see him again. He was just a guy I flirted with on a plane and spilled all my love life woes. But here we were ten years later.

"I love you too, Sam."

I missed the cheeky boy from the plane, but that boy wanted the map before him. He loved the house in the cookie-cutter neighborhood. I'd catch his eyes lingering on neighboring yards as a dad taught his kids to toss a football or shoot hoops. It was a quiet, standard life that he wanted, that I had thought I wanted, but there was a pull in the back of my mind. Even as my marriage was dissolving, I didn't feel the draw to a different life; I was too focused on the tug away from my current one.

"You're going to find someone that wants what you want," I offered. "You're going to be a great dad," I quietly added.

"Lily, if that's..." Sam began.

"Sam, look me in the eye and tell me you'll be happy without kids. If you can say that, I'll fight," I challenged.

Sam's warm chocolate eyes met mine. "Lily, I love you. I've never stopped loving you. Nothing has changed that."

"Sam, I know you love me, but there are kids destined for you, and I won't deny them a life."

"How can you be so sure?" Sam pleaded.

"Because I know you; I love you. You deserve to be happy, fully happy. I don't want kids. I can't make you happy, not the way you deserve."

"Don't make this about me, Lil," Sam challenged.

"You're right, Sam. I'm not a martyr. I'm not happy. There is something else out there for me; I can feel it. I have loved the past decade with you, Sam. I wouldn't give it up for the world, but I just don't see us in the future, not together. Tell me you do," I prodded.

Sam slumped to the couch. "I can't," He admitted. "It's just..." Sam let out a heavy sigh. "Lily, you choosing me, knowing that, having you by the side, has filled me with more confidence than I can ever explain. I wouldn't be the man I am today if not for you."

"I feel the same way," I offered.

"Should we give up on that?" Sam asked.

"I don't think we're giving up on that, Sam. The love I have for you will never go away. I don't want it to, and I will always support you. I'm so proud of the man you are."

"Lily, is this really what you want? I don't care that you can't have kids. I love you."

"You're the best human, Sam, but I really think this is for the best," I admitted. "I didn't come to this lightly. Tell me you haven't thought about it. Tell me you didn't feel the disconnect."

"I have, and I do," Sam admitted in defeat. "I love you, Lily."

"I love you, Sam."

The breakup sucked, as I knew it would, but I could breathe again, and within a year, Sam found a new life with a woman that wanted the map.