You're Just A Lonely Star | FranSykes | (boyxboy)

Don't Let Me Drown-2-

---OLI POV---

I couldn't face him. Not after Matt and him speaking in the bathroom earlier. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I know he's bi aswel but, I don't want him to think of me any differently. I got back to my room and sat on the bed for 5 minutes straight until I thought about what I was doing and realised I'm wasting my time. I may aswel just tell him. Matt will if I don't.
'Okay, I'm going now.' I told myself every 10 seconds. Each time I stopped myself from standing. As I finally prepared myself, I heard a knock at the door. My heart skipped a beat with nerves. I could open the door and josh could be standing there, waiting for me to explain why I've been acting so weird, and I won't be able to say anything.

Hesitantly, I turned the door handle, revealing what was behind. It was Matt.

'Look, Oli. About what you told me the other day.' He paused, waiting for me to acknowledge him. I nodded, and he carried on.
'Josh saw you, with another guy the other day. I don't know where, maybe even online, I don't know. But he knows. He's just waiting for you to tell him.'
Matt could see the terrified expression, written on my face as if I was frozen like this forever. As if things will never get better.
'But, everything that we've been through. Our friendship, our closeness through the years. What if he see's me differently, judges me like everyone else is?' I asked, panicking.

'C'mon. If Josh is bi he's hardly gonna be homophobic is he?' Matt reminded me with a reassuring grin on his face, encouraging me to go and speak to him.
'Okay. I'm coming into his room in a minute.'
Matt nodded and left my room, as I took some deep breathes and started to walk out of the door to knock on his.
As I shut the door behind me, I saw the opposite door of Josh's room opening. Josh stood in front of me for a couple of seconds, and finally he said something.
'Look Oli,' he began, my heart up in my throat with fear.' 'I already know. There is nothing to be scared about. I would never ever judge you, or think of you differently. I would never let you go, and I will always be there.'
I felt as if I couldn't speak. I could feel a lump in my throat, getting higher and higher until it was forcing tears into my eyes. I wanted to tell Josh my other secret. I glance down at my wrist and notice that I am wearing short sleeves and he could see every mark that people have made on me.
Josh saw the tears tumbling down my face, and he knows that it's a rare situation.
He stretched out his arms to hug me. I stepped in to hug him, and we embraced there. This was the moment when I realised Josh was my everything. I want him, forever. I also realised if I was going to have him forever, he needs to know about the scars, painted on my wrist. I indicated that he pulled away from the hug, which he did, and I could tell neither of us wanted to. I glanced at me wrist, but purposely obviously this time, so that he might look and I wouldn't have to explain anything. Still, Josh did not look, but I could tel he was confused from the expression he was wearing.

I could see some people in the distance coming through the corridors. I turned my head to look, and as Josh saw them, he opened his mouth and said
'Do you...want to go in your room?' We both knew this was best, as they were getting closer and closer.
I nodded instead of spoke, because if I spoke it would end in nothing but whimpers and tears.

Once we were inside and safe in my room, I burst into tears once more, but this time I cried and cried. It felt as though I couldn't cry anymore, but j obviously could ask was sitting on my bed for ages, my head in Josh's shoulder as he embraced me once more.

I lifted my arm, and vaguely brushed at my wrist where the scars were. The moment my arms were lifted Josh caught sight of them and instantly his eyes filled with pure, salt water like mine.
'Why?' He barely said before he crashed, drowned in his emotions and tears.

'Listen, Oli,' Josh began to attempt to say, and wiping away tears from his skin.
I looked up at him, almost giving him permission to carry on speaking.
'Promise me something?'
He waited for a reply but I knew what he was going to say, and I didn't want to hold a promise I didn't know I could keep.
'I'm not making any promises Josh. I just can't. I will feel as though I'm letting you down. I know I already am but I don't want to make it worse.' I said, quietly through tears.
'Okay, I understand. But never, ever do anything like this without telling me. I know you might think I will be angry, frustrated and upset, but I will do anything and fight through those emotions just to hear you say that you are going to be alright. Okay?'
I nodded, and I burst into tears, as did Josh. Although we were in tears, they weren't necessarily tears of sadness, more like tears of relief, and tears filled with all sorts of emotions. At least that's what my tears were.

No longer did I feel like I was drowning in my tears, like I needed saving from myself. Now I felt as if I have been saved, and the water is being drained, and the weight is being lifted off of my chest. Josh knew now, and he understood, that's all that matters to me.

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Hi :P
Thank you to everyone who has read so far, it means a lot.
Sorry that this chapter is really sad, I cried whilst writing this one because I never want anything like this to happen to Oli or Josh.
Lily ^.^ x