You're Just A Lonely Star | FranSykes | (boyxboy)

Cold Night -9-

---JOSH POV---

Instead of bearing the pain and reality of my thoughts any longer, I had to get out of here. As I reached for my phone to text Oli and tell him I was going back to the room, I felt several vibrations on my hand as I unlocked the screen.

All I could see was Oli's name, over and over again, he was scared as hell.

Josh, what's wrong?

I know when you're not okay, just tell me?

Josh, where the fuck are you?

JOSH IM WORRIED.

GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THE RESTAURANT NOW.

TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE.

I quickly replied and told him I was leaving, but then I lied. I said I was okay, when in reality I could hardly breathe and I felt as though my throat was slowly closing up, and all I needed was Oli. But I couldn't worry him.

I felt my hands becoming hotter and hotter, and you could see the sweat growing by the second making me more and more anxious as I walked as fast as possible back to the room.

Struggling, I frantically tried to slot the key card into the door, but no matter how fast, or how hard I tried I always found a red light shining into my eyes, making me feel physically sick.

I had grown to ignore the fact that every second I felt a new vibration on the top of my left thigh from Oli on my phone. I wanted to reply but nothing would make me feel worse than talking to Oli right now because he would get worried and that's the last thing I want.

Terror struck through my mind as I thought that I could have the wrong key.

I was right.

I felt myself grow hotter by the second and more and more frantic as my thought became more and more real. I realised that this is what it feels like to have a panic arrack, anxiety, which I have never had before.

For a second, I took notice to the vibrations and I quickly called Oli, expecting him to pick up as soon as it rung as he was on his phone, frantically texting me at that exact moment.

I was right, within seconds I could hear the voice of Oli, with the sound of Kellin and Gabe laughing to themselves in the background.

'Josh!? What the fuck is going on?!' Oli sounded as worried as I have ever heard him before.
'Nothing,' I began, trying to keep my panic under control whilst talking.
'Uh, do you have the key? I took the wrong one up.' I asked him, starting to struggle with holding back the frantic sharp breathes that I would take every few seconds.
'Yeah, I just finished eating, be up in a minute.' He replied. I couldn't wait a fucking minute. I was outside a hotel room, barely able to breathe, which was also obvious in the call, yet Oli didn't realise it was an emergency?

However, Oli was up within 30 seconds with the other key, and whilst I controlled my breathing and contained myself, he opened the door to my room and gave me the key.
'What's wrong? You seem really flustered? You wanna talk about it?' He asked me, in the most worried and concerned tone I had ever heard him use with me.

'Yep' was all I could reply with before I lost the contained, calm pace of my breathe and began searching for it again.

'Well, if you need me I'm only in my room. Actually, do you want to come anyway?' He asked, and although the sound of kissing Oli once more sent shivers down my spine, my attention then diverted to the fact that I was still searching for my breath.

'I need some time to reply to emails and sort some stuff out, see ya' Oli' I said, having to pause occasionally to let my breathe flow back into me and allow me to speak once more.

The moment Oli's back was turned and he was walking to his room, my breathe pace picked straight back up again as I think about the rest of the band, and how they may never accept me again.

I had never known them as homophobic, and they never have been. However, towards Oli and I they have been completely different people to how I have previously known them as.

Once I got into my room, thoughts flying left right and centre around my head, I ran straight to my bed and lay down. I slowed my breath and calmed down a bit whilst checking my Twitter feed and reading everyone's positivity from our music, not letting Dan, Max, and Chris be my focus of attention until I wanted them to be.

The only thing that scared me was that the moment I met them, I knew I would never lose them, that this is You Me at Six and always will be, but now I'm starting to realise that this is where it could all fall down, my career, my life, and my friends. Not only my friends, but the bestest friends anyone could ask for. I didn't want this to change, never. I didn't want them to change. They said these words once aswel, they said they'd never change and 'we' will never change but it looks as though this could be the calm before the storm.

Once again my breath quickened, this time no where near as bad but it didn't have a cause this time around. Just as I sat up and started to breathe loudly and slowly again, Oli walked in, without knocking or anything. He looked as if he had something to say, that was until he saw the fear behind my eyes.

'Josh? What the fuck?! I knew something was wrong!' Although I knew he was genuinely concerned for me, he had a slight tone of anger to his voice aswel.

___________
HEYY!

I AM SO SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN AGESS -.-

Basically it's been the Easter holidays and I have been SO busy, and also I have had MAJOR writer block which sucks >.< (this is also the reason why it's not very long aswel)

I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm not sure how to feel about it? I'm thinking it's kinda repetitive but please if you have any feedback, do tell me because I would love to hear it, thank youuu <3
Lily xoxo