You're Just A Lonely Star | FranSykes | (boyxboy)

Nasy Habits -23-

---JOSH POV---

I felt her lips biting my neck as I tried to dominate her but couldn't help but moan slightly.
I felt her breath become heavier as she slowed down much to my disappointment. I smiled as we took one last kiss and then pulled away, lying next to eachother and trying to catch our breath.

I looked down at my phone to check the time, and as I looked, I jumped up, quickly pulled up my jeans and threw on my t-shirt.

I said goodbye to Taylor, awkwardly, and left the house.

As I found myself standing at the front door of my own house, I decided I just needed to tell Oli everything that had happened, no matter how annoyed or upset he would be.

I knocked on the door to find Oli stood in front of me when it opened.

'Oli, I'm sorry.' I told him, waiting for a reaction or response. Nothing.

Instead of waiting, I decided to carry on and go straight into it.

'I kinda, hooked up with Taylor. I know, I know you are going to be mad and I can't even describe how much guilt I am ridden with right now. It was an 'in the moment' kind of thing and I'm not even expecting you to want anything to do with me anymore, because I completely understand that this isn't just something you can forget, so as I said, I can't even apologise enough. I'm sorry.'
I explained as I began to walk back down the path leading up to the house, seeing no hope whatsoever that Oli would ever want me to love him again.

I heard footsteps coming up behind me as I neared the end of the pathway outside, and the familiar warmth of a hand placed on my shoulder, stopping me from moving any further.

I turned around, seeing Oli's eyes filled with tears.

'Yes, I'm upset, as you can see.' He began, as I wiped away the tear making its way down his cheek. I nodded, and let him carry on.

'But Josh, I don't know what my life would be without you. You've picked me up from the ground so many times, so to speak. Josh, you're the one the one that saves me in this fairytale of ours. I don't know how I could cope as well as I do without you, how could I just let you go?' He asked, rhetorically as I smiled a half hearted smile.

'Thank you.' I could bearly whisper as I was trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall.

I kissed his tender lips, softly, as if to say thank you and to officiate his acceptance of my apology.

I saw his eyes scan my arms like he had done the other day. The scars were still prominently marked on my skin, much to Oli's disgust.

'Why, Josh? I thought you would be stronger?' He told me, making me feel as though I wasn't living up to his expectations, and I was letting him down - which I have doubt that I was.

'I can't stop, Oli. It's become a habit, a bad one. It's a secret best kept though, okay?' I made him promise but I didn't seem convinced by his nod.
He walked upstairs but I stayed alone watching TV for a while, I didn't want to be with anyone.

My parents arrived home a couple of minutes later, and I greeted them as I helped hem with their shopping, inside.

After half an hour, I made my way upstairs, expecting to find Oli in my room on his phone or something. No one was in there.
I looked in Elissa's room and heard rustling, but when I looked around the corner there was no one in there. I checked my phone to see if Oli had gone out, but when I unlocked the screen there was nothing on there.

I sat on my bed for a while, contemplating my decisions, thinking over things.

I felt as though nothing mattered anymore, like all that mattered was being good enough, not my flaws that bring me down.