breathe. | lamelo ball

fifteen

vote and comment whatever comes to mind!! happy saturday babies🤍

November 29th, 2018

Rumi fell into the front door of her house as she wheezed painfully from her panic attack. She crumbled onto all fours and stared at the marble floors as she tried to force herself to breathe normally. Her attempt at deep breaths turned into body racking sobs as she thought of her rapist.

Rumi scratched at her arms and chest while she cried, suddenly feeling filthy in her own skin as she thought of the attack. She peeled herself off the ground and ran to her room, stripping as soon as she entered and turning on the shower.

Rumi went into her drawers and frantically moved around a bunch of clothes, pulling out a bottle of Benadryl she had to keep hidden from her mom. She dumped ten in her hand then threw them all back with a wash of water, gagging slightly.

She stepped into the steaming hot jets and let her body fall into a sitting position under the droplets. Her hair darkened against her face and back as the water washed over her entire being. The memories of the night cycled in her head one by one on a loop. She felt sick and most of all disgusted with herself.

How could she let that happen?

How could she let her emotions cloud her judgment again?

The water burned, but it eased the hole that ate away at her chest as she cried. Her body felt sore from how hard she was sobbing but she couldn't stop even if she tried. Crying at Josh's house had opened the dam and there was no stopping it now. It was why Rumi bottled it all in the first place. Her spirals were terrible and she tried to avoid them at all costs.

After thirty minutes she got up not bothering to wash her body or turn the water off. She stepped out and wiped the foggy mirror to look at her reflection in the glass.

The girl everyone grew to love months ago was gone. Her hair was dull without shine or volume, eyes dead, face sunken, and body frail. She rubbed her fingers over a small bite mark that was still on her underboob. He had broken the skin roughly and the tender area would have a scar for a while. Rumi bit her lip so hard she tasted blood.

Rumi reached down and pinched her forearm roughly, feeling angry that her body did not feel like her own. Angry she fucked up. She let out a sob as she pinched her skin harder to take away the dark feeling that was clouding her mind.

She felt so much self-hatred she thought she was going to explode.

Rumi reached back and punched the mirror with all her might, not flinching in the slightest as it shattered and the glass embedded itself in her knuckles. She backed away numbly and laid down naked on the cold floor, staring at the way the broken glass glittered in the fluorescent lights.

She wondered if she looked that pretty broken too.

- - -

"Whatchu mean?" Melo sat up as Josh's nervous words hit his ears. Josh rubbed his hand over his face in stress as he thought about the way Rumi was shaking.

"She's been acting so weird Melo. She has a wall up now and she just keeps panicking over small stuff and it's scaring me," Josh confided truthfully. Melo thought back to the last time he saw her and how unlike herself she seemed. How empty her eyes were, how tiny the body he used to sleep next to had gotten. His heart thumping in his chest became unbearably noticeable.

"She freaked out tonight?"

"Yeah," Josh exhaled, "When I said King was coming over."