breathe. | lamelo ball

thirteen

hello lovelies. lightly edited, i'm being lazy

November 26th, 2018

The energy in Rumi's room changed over the month.

Well, Rumi changed too.

The blinds stayed closed all day, clothes were strewn all over the room along with empty water bottles. Rumi spent all of her time either making art, doing homework, sleeping, or getting high. Sometimes she fit food into her new schedule, but it wasn't on her list of concerns at the moment.

The bonus room was a mess too. Balled up paper laid on the coffee table from Rumi attempting to write or sketch how she felt. The only effect outlet she had was through painting. She tried to see the bright side of it.

One positive of her depression isolation was that she was creating art that people actually wanted to buy on the Internet. It allowed her to make back the money she spent on Melo for his birthday and then some. Rumi didn't know why but she guessed people liked sad art.

The only other positive was that her grades were flawless. She threw herself into her homework and studies. Being overly attentive in school was the only way to ignore Melo's presence in her two classes, not that he would speak to her anyway. She didn't even sit at the lunch table anymore. She would just talk to Seline for a minute so no one worried then head to the art classroom and read.

Diana had noticed her daughter change of course. She almost stayed home for the entirety of November but Rumi felt suffocated over Thanksgiving break and wanted to be alone so she convinced her mom to spend Thanksgiving in Paris with Mark.

Her mom agreed and gifted Rumi the keys to the Audi that Mark had gotten her before they left. It wasn't meant to be Rumi's car but Diana noticed Melo hadn't come around and she assumed that's what Rumi's issue was. She hoped the car would make Rumi happy.

Rumi was just glad she could take herself to school now and didn't have to fake happiness for 15 minutes in the car with Omar and Sharife since they had bringing her to school.

Rumi knew her mom didn't know how to deal with her being depressed. She never did. Freshman year when everything went downhill her mom just sent her to a facility, got her a therapist when she came home, and then acted as nothing had ever happened. It worked at the time and ultimately started her spiritual journey, but none of that made a difference right now.

Rumi was feeling many of the same feelings she had at that time in her life; Alone, hopeless, angry, detached, numb.

She just wanted to be alone. It was what she was used to.

So Rumi was honestly glad her mom decided not to stay. She could take herself to school and she could come home to an empty house and let out whatever sob or scream she needed to without affecting those around her. She could deal with her pain in silence.

Rumi hadn't seen Josh, Seline, or any of her friends outside of school the whole month. She couldn't bring herself to fake happiness that long so she chose to avoid it altogether. She hadn't even talked to her friends from Washington because of their busy schedules and her constant avoidance of conversation.

Josh had been begging her to come to the first game at Chino with him and Seline and Rumi knew she couldn't say no. Josh had done too much for her and Seline was becoming increasingly worried. A month of feeling sorry for herself was long enough. She had to be selfless.

Rumi looked at herself in the mirror as the shower water heated to an extreme like she wanted. Her under eyes were grey and seemed to have permanent bags from stress and lack of sleep. She was thinning out and her skin was dull as if someone stole her sunshine. Rumi reached down and pinched her arm harshly. She turned and got into the shower.