Turning Tables

Chapter 14

From Cam: I didn't mean to. It didn't mean anything, If I could take it back I would.

I put my phone down and was done texting him.
I took a deep breath.
I needed time I told myself.

(2 months later)
It's been two months since I caught Cameron cheating on me, and about 1 month since him and Ashley started dating. I still loved him.

5:00 Am
I can't sleep,
I tried everything I had left in me to get over him but I couldn't and I knew it was my fault he was with her I should have gave him another chance.
People say we don't know what we have until it's gone, but I think we always know what we have it's just we never expect it to leave.

These past few weeks have been hell for me but I have put on a fake smile and everyone seems to think I'm fine but in reality I'm not. I want some one to look past my smile and deeply into my eyes because my smile says I'm happy but my eyes tell a different story.

5:30 Am
After I looked at the clock for was seems like the thousandth time I rolled over to Matt who was smiling In his sleep. I wonder what he had been dreaming about. Matt stays here all the time, he practically lives here.
When Cams tour was over Matt and I started hanging out more and eventually became really close, Matts like the brother I never had. He understood me he seems to be the only one who saw that I wasn't happy. He's always asking if I'm okay and when I tell him yes he gives me a "I know your lying and it's all going to be okay" look and leaves it at that. Chrissy keeps trying to talk me into dating Matt but it just wouldn't work, he's sweet and all and totally attractive but like I said he's like a brother to me.
If things didn't work out right I don't know what I would do without him.

I couldn't lay there in silence anymore, I shook Matt lightly and woke him up,
"What" he said in his groggy voice
"Have you ever wanted to cry but no tears came out, so you stare blankly into space, feeling you heart break into pieces?"

"Sometimes" he says sliding his arm across my shoulders "people just want to be happy even if it's not real."

And with that it was silent again.

There is nothing worse than watching the one you love, love someone else.

"I only got 1 hour of sleep last night" I said to Matt as we were eating breakfast.
"I don't want to be like this, I don't want to feel like this. I know that I am not supposed to care but how? How do you not care?"

He looked up at me
"It's time you start worrying about your self."
"I stopped worring about myself along time ago." I said washing my plate.

"I'm taking you to a party tonight and you're going to have fun" Matt said giving me a serious look.

"I can't Matty, I'm just not up for a party right now."

" I wasn't asking you, I'm telling you."
"Oh, fine, who's party?"
"It's at the Jacks's house"
I frowned
"Is Cam going?"
"No, him and slutty had a date tonight."
I laughed and choked while drinking my tea.
After breakfast Chrissy, Nash and Matt and I went to the beach for awhile before it was time to come back and get ready.
Matt and Chrissy were in the water leaving me and Nash there.
"Are you okay?" He asked breaking the silence
" honesty no I'm not I'm far from being okay."

"He really loved you, you know that? I don't know what he's doing with her but he's an idiot. one thing I know is that he really loved you. We would be hanging out and he wouldn't stop talking about you and when he was taking about you his eyes lit up. And when something didn't turn out right he was never sad because he had you to fall back on."
" really" I said with no hesitation
"Yeah"
"Well there's nothing I can do now, it's all my fault I should have just forgave him right then and there but how was I going to know if he was going to do it again."
"Honesty Jess, what you did was perfectly expectable you said you needed space and the rest was all on him."
"Thanks Nash for always giving me advice"
"No problem, I've been so busy lately but that doesn't mean we are less than friends, you're still my best friend, you were there for me and I'm here for you."
We both smile at each other.

"What's one place Chrissy always dreamed of going?" He asked on a serious note.

"She's always wanted to go to Europe, why? You plan on taking her?"

"Yeah, but for her birthday pleas don't tell her."
I punch his arm lightly
"I'm not going to tell her"

After the beach the boys went and got ready at Nashes house and Chrissy and I got ready at our house.
I made sure I look perfect tonight, maybe tonight will help get my mind off of certain people.

I put on a black mini dress and wore red and black heels and dark red lipstick. I curled my hair and did a smokey eye.
I was ready.
An hour later Nash and Matt arrived Chrissy rode in Nashes car and Matt and I rode in mine.

20 minutes later we arrived
It was very loud and crazy.
"You want a drink?"
Matt asked loudly practically screaming.
It took me a second to think,
"No thank you."
"Well I'm going to go grab one, make yourself at home."
I waked through the house to the back by the pool I was standing there awkwardly but I didn't care.
"Jessica right"
I turned my head
It was Jack G
"Yeah" I said shaking his hand.
"It's nice to finally meet you."
"You to" I said smiling
"Yoo Jack" someone said screaming his name.
"I'll be right back" he said tapping my shoulder.
I turned back around and bumped into some one
"Oh gosh I'm so sor..."
It was Cam and of course Ashley right next to him
Me and Cam were staring right at each other for what felt like minutes.
I rolled my eyes and walked away, I didn't know where I was walking to but I just wanted to be far away from them as possible.
After a few thoughts
I waked to the front of there house and sat on the brick wall, it was quiet and cold and I didn't know what to do.
10 minutes pass by when I felt a hand in my shoulder
"I was looking for you?"
It was Cameron
"No need to look for me, I'm sure your girlfriend is waiting for you."
I said with an attitude.
"Are you mad at me or something?"
Cam asked
That made me so angry how can he be so Oblivious! I tuned around and stood up so quick In frustration
"Yeah I am mad at you, I'm mad at you because I love you and I keep telling myself that one day I'm going to wake up and it's going to be different and that I will be okay. But it's not.
I said yelling in his face.
He stood there silent looking at me.
I didn't say goodbye, I didn't say anything I just walked away.
I couldn't think.
I left and got in my car.
I went to the beach, it was dark and cold but it was also beautiful in a mysterious way.
I felt the sand slip from my hands slowly as I was looking at my reflection in the water.

Emotions are bruises left behind. Someday they'll disappear and no longer exist. But honestly I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
I no longer know if I wish to drown myself in love, vodka or the sea.