↳ 𝖈𝖆𝖒𝖔𝖚𝖋𝖑𝖆𝖌𝖊║ ( ᵀˢᵁᴷᴵˢᴴᴵᴹᴬ ˣ ᴿᴱᴬᴰᴱᴿ ˢᴾᵞ! ᴬᵁ )

𝖊𝖑𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓

"what are you doing?" you sighed, when you felt tsukishima's presence behind you, taking off your headphones to hear his response.

"hoping to creep you out." he shrugged.

"you realise i'm technically always being watched by the agency right?"

"how did you figure that ou—"

"they watch rookies, obviously. how else were there no severe damages when we all got ambushed? besides, o don't expect to gain the agency's trust that easily."

"you're smarter than you look." he muttered.

"are you implying that i look stupid?"

"yes, very much so. but that comes in handy too."

"yeah, for honeytraps, right?" you chuckled. "i look like the type of person who can't do basic math. i think it's got to do with my constantly confused look."

"no, it's because of how clumsy you are." he corrected.

"excuse me?"

"you almost fell down the stairs, stepped on a coke can when you were trying to sneak up on someone and your driving speaks for itself. even the way you talk makes you sound dumb." he listed, putting a finger down for every reason he stated.

"yeah, well, if i was so incompetent, i wouldn't have gotten recruited by the agency so suck it." you said bitterly.

"hey, i'm not doubting your abilities. i'm telling you that you act like an idiot."

"and this idiot just might break your shoulder if you don't shut up you fucking beanpole." you threatened.

"wow, i'm so scared of this newbie with zero experience in combat." tsukishima said dramatically.

"you underestimate me, tsukishima." you said with a smug look. "bold of you to assume i haven't beaten someone up before."

"who did you beat up, a twig looking 11 year old midget?"

"um, rude. he was actually 12." you flipped him off. "it was a middle aged man who was built as fuck for no reason and tried to rob me. fucking idiot. he made me drop my bubble tea and i got mad. it was justified, i promise."

"uh huh, sure." tsukishima nodded, suddenly feeling a little more weary around you. "so, are you done your work yet?"

"i would be if you didn't try to scare me by lifting the fucking wardrobe and making your shoulder bleed again." you sighed. "give me another hour and i'll be done. and please, stop moving around and just sleep."

he grudgingly complied for once, perhaps feeling a smidge of guilt after stressing you out multiple times.

"fine."

~•~

"is our tall brat ready to go grocery shopping now? or do you still need to throw another tantrum?" you teased.

"well i'm sorry i didn't want your help getting dressed. i'm a grown man."

"with a fucking injury. calm down, i'm not here to check you out, i'm here to take care of you." you reassured him.

"why are you so calm about changing my clothes anyway?" he groaned, clearly irritated that you weren't phased.

"i worked in an old people's home so i had to change the clothes of many elderly women on a daily basis." you responded in a calm tone as you finally pulled a hoodie over his head.

"are you really comparing me to a grandma right now?"

"you bet i am." you grinned, and grabbed his shoes from the shoe rack. "feet in. i need to tie your laces."

"i'm not incapable of using my arms." he mumbled.

"yes, i'm aware. but you're great at making your wound reopen so i'm not taking any chances right now." you lectured, before standing up after tying his laces. "we're good to go! car keys please." you smile, holding out your hand.

hesitantly, he fished out his keys from a drawer but paused. "if you even land a scratch on my car i will never forgive you."

"the more you doubt me, the more tempted i am to drive you and your car off a cliff. give me the keys tsukishima." you repeated, and once again, he complied. although unwillingly.

you got to the supermarket with the car still in once piece, but tsukishima was traumatised by your driving, even if it wasn't his first time experiencing it. "calm down. no one died." you rolled your eyes.

"you were on the wrong side of the road half the time!"

"it's called free styling dino boy, you should try it sometime." you shrugged and headed inside the store with a trolley in hand.

"no, that's called dangerous!" he protested, but you weren't listening. giving up, he followed close behind you, finally accepting that you were too think headed for him to convince.

you bought enough food to last you and tsukishima for the next few days, and headed to the pads aisle.

tsukishima appeared confused, and picked one up from stack of boxes you'd tossed into the trolley. "what are these?"

"they're sanitary products?" you answered, making it clear you were stating the obvious.

"why do you need them?"

"because, you know, i don't have a dick." you huffed.

"sucks to be you." he taunted. "wait, why are these so expensive?"

"because being a woman is fucking expensive. i don't even choose to bleed, what the fuck. this is exactly why i'm in the agency to mess with the government."

"my condolences." tsukishima said empathetically, patting you on the head.

"yeah, well, i'm using your moneytoday so you're the one handling the costs right now. i'm not too mad." you smiled.

"good thing i'm rich i guess."

you went to the self check out and scanned your items before paying and finally putting them back in the trolley.

once you were both seated in the car again, ready to head home, tsukishima opened his mouth to speak. "hey, listen. i've been thinking about this for the past 10 minutes now." he began.

"uh, okay, go on?"

"if tampons go in there are they technically soft dildos?"

"no of course no—" you furrowed your eyebrows but then paused "fuck. i have no idea."

~•~

i've asked that question before and i'm pretty sure i got an answer but i forgot so time to google it 😎

WOOHOO ANYWAYS I UPDATED 🤠🤠 what am i even doing at this point

oh and here's a fool proof excuse you can use to get out of any situation : pretend to have explosive diarrhoea <3

thank me later i swear it works