Fragmented ✔️

26. Snowfall

December 15th was when the snow fell.

I sat alone, huddled in my bed, my legs folded up and my arms circling my knees, listening out for any sign of my parents. Besides the ticking of a clock, the room stayed silent. And that's when I heard it. The softest thuds against the windowpane. It grew louder with soughing from the winter winds, drowning out the clock.

A chill crept up my legs and the urge to dive back under my duvet to sleep the day away was only marginally outweighed by my need to glance out my window.

Despite the plush carpet, the floor felt cold under my feet as I slipped out of bed. I scrunched my toes and stretched them again, before shuffling forward. Already, a white, pristine blanket covered the harsh black lines of the streets and dying grass of our front garden.

For that moment, while the snow danced in swirls from weighted clouds, I could pretend all the ugly had disappeared, obscured behind a blank sheet. I opened the window to feel the bite of each flake on my skin, but it wasn't enough.

I needed more.

After rushing to get dressed, I crept down the stairs, pulled on my boots, and escaped to my garden. Lost in the snow's choreography, while the rest of the world slept, I barely registered the car pulling up to the house. Instead, my face was tilted towards the sky so each snowflake could brush my cheeks and settle along my eyelashes.

"What are you doing out here so early?"

My shoulders jerked and my stomach tensed. I thought I was alone. "I could say the same thing to you? You only got home a few hours ago? Aren't you knackered?"

"Couldn't sleep." Matt rubbed at his eyes, leaving them slightly bloodshot. "Was hoping you'd be in my bed when I got in." He ran his fingers across my cheeks, wiping the snow away before planting a tender kiss to my lips. "Plus, I know what today means to you," he said as he rested his chin on the top of my head after pulling me against him.

"Mmm," I breathed in the scent of his freshly washed hoodie and his body wash, delaying any talks about the date. "You had a shower. Did you get into bed at all?"

"No" He shrugged his shoulders. "Babe, I'm freezing. Can we go in?"

"Not yet. I just wanted to walk around for a minute. Before everyone wakes up and today feels too real." Silly man. He didn't even have a coat on over his lightweight jumper. "I left the kitchen door unlocked. Wait for me inside?"

"Hold on a sec." He strode up to his car and came back with a beanie, his scarf and a coat. "You wanted to walk, let's go for that walk." He looped his arm through mine and tugged me out of the garden, towards the street.

Matt kept his hold on me, as he marched head down, to an unknown destination. I wanted a stroll in my garden, but he seemed like he was on a mission.

"Slow down a bit. We'll slip." With those words, my foot slid forward and my knees buckled. His hands went under my armpits to stop me from falling straight onto my bottom. I had no grip even in snow boots and we broke out into fits of giggles from the slight struggle. "Who's crazy idea was it to go out in this weather?"

"Some nutter." He smiled, the corner of his eyes crinkling, and lowered his head to mine. "Your little nose is all pink from the cold." His lips were warm as they made contact with the end of my nose, then my mouth.

My heart did its usual skitter and my belly dipped. Three and a half months since that first night at the bar and I hoped the feeling wouldn't fade. Even on a day I had no right to be happy, I realised how lucky I was. Unfortunately, the happier I felt with Matt, the more guilt consumed me from within.