Fragmented ✔️

33. The absence of chaos

The path to the main entrance narrowed in my vision and bodies rushed past me, causing me to flinch. The noise became unbearable, and if Matt wasn't holding on to my waist, I feared my knees would give way.

A sour taste coated my tongue and I was grateful for the piece of gum I still chewed on. Matt was probably thankful for it as well.

I felt his hand squeeze my side, and I tried to focus on the sensation instead of the tingling in my extremities.

"Don't let go," I said when we neared the automatic sliding doors.

"I'm not going anywhere."

I nodded for my own reassurance and gripped the hand he had on my waist.

The receptionist at the front desk seemed friendly but an unfamiliar face. For a place I had worked in for years, that notion was slightly unsettling. She greeted us with a subtle smile but barely looked up from her computer as she searched for the unit Zaire would be on.

While her head faced away from us, I scanned the hallway, fidgeting with the hem of my t-shirt with my free hand. Nothing had changed over the year, but I didn't recognise anyone. Staff members marched by, eyes focussed straight ahead, busy with their daily tasks. To them I was just another member of the public, passing through the doors of Stonefield hospital. Gone were the days of being their colleague, their friend.

"Oh my goodness, Bea! Is that really you?"

I turned to the sound of a voice I finally recognised. "Jess!"

"It's so good to see you again." My old colleague placed a hand on my back for a one handed hug. "You've been missed. What have you been up to? Wait until the girls see you here. They won't believe it."

Matt loosened his grip on my side and gently nudged me forward.

"Is it for a visit? You should have just walked through." She glanced over at Matt. "Oh, and who do we have here?" She moved closer and lowered her voice. "Nicely done," she added with a subtle wink.

The tension in my shoulders eased when I realised this wasn't as scary as I first imagined. Jess' easy-going nature softened the instability of my surroundings.  

"We're actually here for Zaire. But they can't tell us where he is now." I bit on the skin around my thumb, my eyes bouncing from her to the lady behind the desk. "Oh, and this is Matt," I said when he cleared his throat.

They shook hands and said a quick hello before Jess leaned over to check the computer screen. She clicked on a few buttons and smiled back towards us.

"Surprised no one told us he was here. Follow me, I'll take you to him." She grabbed a stack of notes from the side and moved towards the lifts. "He's having his cast done."

We stepped into the plain silver box and Jess clicked the button for level 2 where the fracture clinic was located.

"So, I have to say this before we bump into anyone else. Debbie quit last week, and I heard rumours Stacey's–" Jess mimed a pregnant belly–, "you know, up the duff. The team is falling apart. Any chance you'd consider coming back? It's really not been the same without you."

The tips of my ears warmed at her question, and my belly flipped. My job application lay under a pile of papers on my desk, and the past week I had avoided that topic with my family and therapist. But being back here, a small portion of myself craved the thrill that came from helping people again.

"Maybe. I've thought about it. Wasn't sure how they'd take it here or if I'd need to request a different location."

"Oh no, don't do that. They would take you straight back, I'm sure of it, and with Debbie leaving, well, how can they say no."