Fragmented ✔️

30. Bailey

My phone buzzed incessantly while I lay on the bed in Matt's bedroom. On autopilot, I walked through the apartment and fell back on the mattress. I hadn't moved for the last half an hour.

My breathing grew heavier as I tried to make sense of what Carrie was insinuating at the bar. I didn't want to believe her, but deep down knew none of it was a lie. I knew it from the ache in my stomach and pounding in my head.

The phone rang again, and I couldn't take it any longer. Propped up by a couple of pillows, I checked the lock screen and let out a sigh of relief when I saw Zaire's name.

"Hey bumblebee, where are you? I have to ask you something." Zaire's voice became clearer as the music faded out. I recognised the pop song playing in the background. CeCe must have been on a break or had finished her set for the night. "I looked around the bar, but no one's seen you for a while. Come to the staff room."

"I can't." My eyes stung even though tears had yet to fall. Hoping to shield myself from the discomfort, I covered them with my arm. "I'm not there. I-I came back to the flat."

"Why? You okay?"

No. "Yeah, everything's alrigh'. Just have a headache. I'll be back before midnight."

"Get a taxi, okay? Or ring one of us to get you. Don't walk in the dark."

"I will." I felt awful for lying to Zaire because I wouldn't be back. "What did you want to ask me?"

"Well, I guess it's more of a tell or advise or-not sure, really." The clang of metal sounded over the phone. He blew a lengthy breath and continued, "Think I'm gonna kiss CeCe at midnight. But I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or think I didn't care about Saffron or-"

"Do it," I cut in. "No regrets, Z. Just promise you'll never lie to her, okay?"

"Okay. You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, go have fun. And Z? I love you. I'm happy for you both. CeCe's amazing."

"I love you, bumblebee."

I hung up the phone and burst into tears. Even if it was only for a few minutes, holding myself together, while lying to my best friend, was draining. Staring at the ceiling, numbness infused my body. I had to leave but couldn't find the strength to take that first step.

I had no idea how long I stayed in that position, but slowly my skin prickled with annoyance and every muscle tensed. While I'd looked through the photos on Liv's phone, she told me about Bailey, in more detail than Matt ever did. One drunken night, he had confessed everything to Freddie who in turned had told his girlfriend.

Matt blamed himself so much for her death that he believed he needed to save everyone. Each girlfriend after Bailey had something he thought he could help them with. And once he realised they didn't, or he deemed they were healed, well, he simply moved on. Carrie had shrunk into herself as Liv explained everything better than she ever could. She'd been a casualty in his self-imposed mission.

Not able to rest until I found the box Carrie spoke of, I sat and scanned the room. His chest of drawers. I opened each drawer, felt around until I reached the wooden bottom and ran my hand along it, hoping I would find at least a photo. Without a second thought, my feet forced me to his wardrobe, and I looked through his clothes, the shelves, and the boxes on the floor.

This wasn't me. I didn't usually snoop through other people's belongings, but I couldn't help myself. I had to check at least once, to compare our faces again. Maybe I was mistaken at the bar. The lighting was poor and everything happened so quickly.

Stretching to the back of the wardrobe, my fingertips brushed against a sharp edge. I clawed at the side, moving it closer until I slid an old shoebox all the way out. I held my breath, squeezed my eyes shut out of fear and pulled the lid off.