Fragmented ✔️

34. Sweet beginnings

Time was idle and a quicksand all at once; any disturbance and I feared sinking. Matt still hadn't moved, and my pulse rushed in my ears as I waited for him to seal our fate. But even as the silence grew, I didn't doubt my feelings for him. I had said them out loud for the first time and I stood by them even if he didn't love me the way I loved him.

"Matt? Did you hear me?"

"Just give me a second." He removed his hands from my hold and rubbed his face. "Is that all true? I'm in your room right now? Not dreaming?"

Matt's gaze swept across my face and locked on mine; pools of whiskey glimmering under dark lashes. My breathing hitched from the intensity of the stare, like he was sizing me up, or weighing up the words he was about to use.

I let out a nervous giggle. "What? Yeah, you're not dreaming. I promise, I mean every word. And more. I love you."

"Because if this is some twisted dream, I'm about to wake up from, I don't think I could take it." He inched closer and brushed my damp hair away from my face. "I hated every second of the last few months. Walking out on you that day has been eating me up inside." His voice lowered, and I felt it in my chest. He had barely spoken, but tears brimmed in my eyes. "I don't want to get this wrong. Not now."

His features softened and his fingers traced down my arms to settle over my hands again. "It's been eating me up inside, but I stand by the fact we did the right thing by having time apart.

"I've never had to sacrifice anything for anyone. Not for my family, not my friends, not even for Bailey. But fuck if leaving you wasn't a sacrifice. I don't want to do that again. I hated it. But we did it for us." He ran his fingers over my skin and moved even closer.

My body tingled, and goosebumps slid along the back of my neck.

"I had to be the best version of myself for you. It's what you deserve. Because I sure as fuck wasn't before. I just wanted you and didn't think of how that could affect you in the long run. Shit, of how it could have affected me as well. Now we can start again."

"I don't want you to have to sacrifice anything for me," I said in a whisper, narrowing that last gap of space between us. I gripped his shoulders for a moment before snaking my arms around his neck. "I love every version of you."

"Don't you get it? I didn't love the version of myself that would ever make you believe you were competing with an ex-girlfriend. Or that version of myself that made you think you caused Saffron's death. I fucked up and made you question yourself, and that's not okay. I was so desperate for you to believe me that I wasn't listening." His forehead dropped on mine, his breath fanning my face.

"I couldn't give a shit about who you look like. They'd never be you."

My heart overflowed with a freeing sense of euphoria. We hadn't been the lie. I wanted to cry. My eyes lowered to his lips seconds before they descended on mine, and it was as if we had never been apart. Lips scorching and familiar, I couldn't imagine them ever leaving me again. His tongue swept and tangled with mine, and I found myself clutching onto his hoodie like my sanity depended on it. Because loving Matt was stability and the greatest rush living in harmony.

"You hear me, they can't be. I love you," he murmured into my mouth. "And I think in some way I always have. Not in a twisted I have to take care of you way because, shit, you don't need me for that."

He pulled back and a lazy smile crossed his slightly swollen mouth. He cupped my cheeks, his thumbs stroking faint circles behind my ear. I leaned into him and sighed.

"You know what I thought that first night we met? That woman's gone through hell and she just keeps fighting. When you were in the toilets, having a panic attack, you fought against it."