To Deceive A Duke

Chapter 20

Clarissa swirls her whiskey around the glass, watching the amber liquid as it splashes against the rim. Instead of running home, she had ended up retracing her steps and slipping into the first pub she saw, The Broken Tap. There are only a few people gathered in the dusty room; a lone straggler sits drinking by the fire and a family sit around a square table, eating breakfast. The barman instantly recognised Clarissa when she entered and he jumped to assist her. She took a seat in the darkest corner of the pub and he quickly brought over half a bottle of whiskey and a glass at her request. 

She drinks through the bottle, the alcohol warming her chilled heart, and as she surpasses tipsy the pain begins to ease. The whiskey bottle gets replaced by several bottles of beer while customers swan in and out of the pub, in search of a hot meal and a good drink. She doesn't spare them any glances, and she is too involved in the contents of her bottle to notice when Flo takes a seat next to her. It is only when she coughs deliberately that Clarissa looks up, blinking. 

"What?" 

"I said..." Flo repeats, "I think day drinking causes alcoholism."

Clarissa chuckles wryly and downs the rest of her beer in one gulp, she pulls a face and smacks the bottle down on the table, "You can't be an alcoholic if it's a one-time thing," She gestures to the row of empty bottles, "This is, is, is not a habit," 

Florence doesn't fail to notice the thick slur in her voice, she studies her friend and moves the bottles out of the way of being knocked onto the stone. 

"I thought you had gone home." She pushes a chocolate curl away from Clarrisa's white, hollow face, "You look...uh...."

"That bad?" Clarissa winces, batting the hand away, "I thought I was managing it." 

Florence's face reads that she is doing the exact opposite. She groans and pushes her messy hair from her eyes, trying to stop her vision from swimming. The wood of the table goes hazy, slipping from left to right. 

Flo sighs, she signals the barman, who comes over immediately. He looks at drunk Clarissa with concern but doesn't make any comment. Florence offers him a charming smile, "Could I have a glass of water and..." She looks to Clarissa, "Do you want to talk or get drunk?" 

"I've drunk." Clarissa lies her head down on the oak table as the world starts to spin. She closes her eyes, welcoming the darkness. 

"Just me then? Ok...." Flo looks back to the barman, "A glass of water and a bottle of bourbon please, whatever is most expensive. She's buying." She inclines her head to her semiconscious friend. The barman is sceptical but he nods and disappears behind his bar. Florence plucks Wyn's invitation from under Clarissa's elbow and studies it. 

"So, they are...?"

"Together." Clarissa shifts her head, her cheek pressed against the rough wood, her eyes still tightly shut, "Forever...and I didn't know,"

The barman stalks over and places down a tall glass of cool water, a glass and a bottle of American bourbon. Florence thanks him and pours herself a healthy glass. 

"Well shit," She says, relishing the first sip. 

Clarissa lifts her head off the table and opens her eyes, the world has stopped spinning as violently now, "Indeed," 

"You shouldn't blame yourself." Flo tries comfortingly, "No one knew about them, and he showed an interest..."

"...As a friend. He showed an interest as a friend," Clarissa grunts, dropping her head into her hands, "It was bearable when he was alone, but all along he wanted Jennifer," Images of the beautiful, petit school teacher haunt her mind, she folds her arms of the tabletop and scowls, "I keep thinking what if? What if I was older? What if I was smarter? What if I was skinnier? What if....what if...."