Broken (Carl Grimes)

Chapter 18

I say " Stop right there! Back up and keep your distance. Im not going to hurt you. "

" I think we have the upper hand here! Drop your weapon! "

I know that voice from somewhere. Where do i know it? 

I look in my bag for a flashlight and find it. I flash it on the ground infront of me and walk closer. I shine it  on the group and see so many fimiliar faces. 

" Oh my god. Rick. "

I hug him carfully, making sure not to hurt Judith. Shes awake and kinda just staring off into space. I pick her up quickly and hand her to Rick and as tears of joy coming out of his eyes. 

He says " Thank you so much for keeping my family safe. But do you happen to know where Carl is "

I turn around and go around the house. I see his body hugging his knees. I sit next to him.

What could possibly be wrong with him? He just found his family? Shouldnt he be happy right now?

I put my hand on his knee and look at him. 

I say " Carl whats wrong? "

He says " I dont even know if i want to go back to my dad. I love him but we always get slpit up. "

I say " Carl you have to. Without you he wont be the same person. He needs you. "

He looks up at me and i nod, giving him reasurrance. 

He says " Your right. "

He stands up and helps me up. He pulls me into a hug and holds me tight. He holds me tight for a moment. He pulls back and smiles at me.

I say " Come on. "

I lace our fingers together and lead him to the front of the house. Him and his dad istnatly run together and hug. I smile at the sight. I walk over to Glenn and hug him. Then to Maggie.

I say " I missed you guys. "

I feel everyone stiffen and some guns go up. I turn aorund adn see Justin.

I say " Its okay he's with us! "

 They all lower theres weapons and continue to talk. Justin mingles with everyone and everything is good. They seem to accept him and im glad they do. 

I say " We can stay here tonight then move in the morning? "

 Rick says " Sounds good. Its not safe to move at night anyways. "

I motion them to follow me inside the house. 

+

Once they all get settled in and fed, i leave. I go onto the roof and finish taking watch. Nobody questions me when i leave but they do give me weird looks. I know im distant from them but it for the best. Carl is right. Where just going to loose each other again and next time we might not be lucky enough to get most of the group back. 

I sigh and turn around as i hear shuffling, signalling theres someone behind me trying to get on the roof. I see Carl and he get through and sits next to me. 

I say " Hi. "

He says " Why dont you go back in and get settled in with them? "

I say " Im okay. I dont really want to. "

He says " Why not? "

I say " I dont know. Im kinda at peace right now. I dont want to go in there and have to answer a lot of questions. "

He says " Yeah they are asking a lot of them. "

He intertwines our hands together and lays his head on my shoulder. I lay my head on his head. After a long pause Carl speaks up.

He says " Hey Allicia? "

I say " Yeah? "

He says " You know i love you right? "

I say " You i know i love you right? "

He says " Of course i do. "

I say " then why wouldnt i? "

He says " I dont know. I just thought maybe you where not ready for that yet. "

I say " I was scared of the same thing. But now i know Carl. I love you. I really do, you mean so much to me and without you i dont know where i would be. I would be someone i dont want to be. You changed me and you are the reason i am who i am. And ill be honest. Without you i wouldnt be aive right now. "

 He looks at me with a confused look.

He says " Why not? "

I say " I wasnt going to tell you this. But i think you have a right to know what i did. "

I hold my arm out and show him the cuts i did to myself. I hear a small gasp. 

He says " why did you do this? "

I say " I dont know it just saticfied me. Made me feel better and i knew it would. For some reason it took the metal pain away and gave my physical pain. It makes the person in my head shut up for a while.  "

He sighs and looks me in the eyes. 

He says " I just wish you would have told me sooner. I love you. Dont ever be afriad to talk to me about anything okay? "

I say  " I love you to Carl. "

And i really do. I love him. I love Carl Grimes and i dont know what i would do without him. He means so much to me and i never want to loose him. He is the reason im still alive. I havent told Carl but i started harming myself again. Im not to possitive why. It just haunts me, every time i pick up the knife imagines pop in my head of harming myself.