con bravura acceso - twoset one shots

LXIII. jeux d'eau, M 30 by Maurice Ravel

Brett Yang had spent countless times wondering, wishing and waiting for Eddy Chen to come knocking on his room. To come lie down on the bed next to him again. To be able to share warmth and blankets again. Brett knew they can't anymore, though.

warnings: expletives, angst, unrequited love

Third Person POV

Brett Yang knew he shouldn't be feeling this way towards his best friend. Eddy stated that they were just best friends and Eddy looks up to him the same way he looked up to Belle. Besides, this shouldn't come as a surprise to Brett.

He was checking snapchat stories and suddenly stumbled across what Eddy had posted. It was his girlfriend and their trip to Japan. Eddy looked so happy with her...

With a sigh, he closed his phone along with his eyes. Images of Eddy being so close to him, holding him as if he wouldn't let go, the warmth that it brings Brett. Was he too late if he was wishing to be the one in the photos? To be the one in Japan with Eddy?

He held a pillow close to him, trying to avoid the tears threatening to spill. He didn't have the right, did he? He was just a best friend, after all. Sadly, that's all that he will ever be.

- - - - -

"Brett?" Eddy asked, far away from his room.

This home of theirs in Singapore, far from Australia. Far from Eddy's girl...

"Yes?" Brett asked back.

He heard footsteps approaching his room, the light from the hallway illuminating on Brett's very dark room.

"Can I sleep here? It feels lonely without a body next to mine..." Eddy said honestly, standing by the door way and scratching the back of his head.

"You have no idea how lovesick that sounds, don't you?" Brett asked, passing it off as a joke even if the very thought is prickling.

"When was I never honest with you, though?" Eddy replied back, also joking.

"Come here then, lover boy." Brett joked again. This time hearing the shards of his glass heart smash and dissolve into nothingness.

Eddy closed the door behind him and Brett turned his lamp on so that Eddy could lie down. Once he was settled in Brett's right side, he turned the light off. The quiet was comfortable and the body next to his is warm. A bit too warm since Brett had always been used to sleeping alone in a cold bed.

"Brett?"

"Eddy, don't ask if you know I'll agree. You have my full permission."

"Okay..."

Brett was shocked at the next move but he certainly isn't complaining. Not that he had room to do so, he already gave Eddy the right. It didn't have to be worded out. He already gave Eddy the right to do whatever he pleases with Brett even without the permission.

This man is going to be the death of Brett Yang but it seems that he wouldn't ever know.

"Are you sure your girlfriend wouldn't mind this?" Brett asked, obviously unsure if this cuddle session is allowed by Eddy's girl.

"I mean, why would she mind? It's not like I have feelings for you other than admiration. You're like my older brother. Older but shorter... She's exactly your height too." Eddy said, getting closer to Brett.

Brett could smell him and his face was nuzzled against Eddy's chest. He tried to meditate and internalize everything but his soul was begging him. Begging him to tell the truth and break the reservoir of his emotions. Begging him to hold the younger man tighter and never let him go. Begging him to kiss and claim those lips.

But Brett Yang? Brett Yang was definitely no coward, but he was above breaking a relationship off. He was above breaking the best friendship he had for half of his life now. Besides, who was he compared to the woman that Eddy loves?

He was just a best friend, albeit he has feelings for the man. Albeit the man only saw him like an older brother. After all, this was better than nothing at all.

So, he turned around. Keeping his body close but removing himself from that intoxicating scent. Removing himself from the temptation to claim what isn't his. Removing himself from reaching out. Removing himself from his soul's commands.

"Good to know I'm such a good replacement." Brett joked after a long and comfortable silence.

"Shut the fuck up. You know that no one can take her place." Eddy joked back.

That was it. That's all it took to break Brett Yang. Those words that Eddy released as a joke but held so much conviction under them. Still, Brett wasn't one to ruin the happiness of the man he loves.

So, he laughed back. Told Eddy that he was sleepy and faked a yawn. When Eddy's breathing was still and his arm was heavier around Brett, that's when Brett let out all the tears. Cautious as it might hit Eddy's skin. The words haunt him the same way Tartini's melodies from that dream wherein the demon was playing a beautiful melody. The creation of his Devil's Trill Sonata is how his feelings are worded out and came alive.

He couldn't replicate it exactly but he's certain that loving Edward Chen is the most beautiful thing he had ever felt. Even if the pain is as demonic as is.

- - - - -

This was Brett's dreaded day. Coming back to Australia means having Eddy having less time for him. The couple were doing quite well. So well that Eddy even decided to propose as soon as they landed back home.

Fuck, it shouldn't hurt this much. It shouldn't be him feeling like this. This isn't about him anymore. This was about Eddy and his girl. This was for their happiness.

Eddy, being the unpredictable man he is, proposed with no ring. He wanted them to pick the ring together. Also, Eddy just couldn't admit that he really wasn't prepared. That he just knew that he needed to marry her.

Eddy posted a photo of them together in Instagram. The rings visible and glimmering but not as much as their smiles are. Their hands entwined and with that grip, Brett knows there's no turning back now.

Fuck, I already knew you won't love me back. I already knew it isn't possible but why couldn't I be prepared for this moment? How do I not fall apart under your stare the moment you will ask me to be your best man? The moment you lock my position in your life as a best friend and an older brother?

- - - - -

The night before Eddy's wedding, he sleeps in the same bed with Brett again. This time, knowing that it will be the last, Brett doesn't turn back. He holds Eddy close and he shows everything that he couldn't tell. That night, his scent is in one of Brett's pillow.

Marking his territory the way Brett could and never would.

- - - - -

At the day of their wedding, everything goes on smoothly. Eddy is happy, so is his beautiful bride. Everything goes well, Brett had done all his duties as a best man properly. This was the last dance of the newlyweds so Brett decides to play them a piece.

Salut d'amour was the choice.

Even if it's romantic, there's a melancholic quality to it. As though it is slowly letting go towards the end. The audience clap at the newlyweds, both smiled so much that it hurt their cheeks. Eddy posts another photo on Instagram.

Brett doesn't forget to kiss the wife's cheeks and hug her tight. Brett doesn't forget to wrap his arms around Eddy for the last time. Well, not the last time. But he will make sure that it will be the last hug he will share with Eddy while he's still in love with the man. He goes home alone.

He checks his Instagram, the first thing he sees is a reminder of something he could never have. He changed his clothes, lied down on the bed and the scent is still there. He missed that stupid face with that stupid eyes and that stupid warmth of his body.

We've never been together. You don't deserve to feel what you feel because you were never with him. Don't be stupid now.