What I Miss About You

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things - Ben

Frowning down at the tie and wondering since when did I ever have trouble tying a fucking tie, I made my way to the front room. Natalie was still in her room getting ready. In frustration, I yanked the knot loose and started over, glancing irritably at my watch. One more attempt and I was still all thumbs for some God damned reason.

I whipped the tie off. "To hell with it."

At that moment I heard a small sound at the doorway, someone clearing their throat softly. I turned around, tie in hand and froze.

Natalie was standing there watching me, her expression tense, her eyes wide, and her hands clasped nervously in front of her. She wore a white dress made out of some kind of thin material that stirred with the slightest breath of air, off the shoulder with a sweeping neckline that showed off her delicate collarbone and the graceful column of her neck. The length of the dress was modest and ended just a few inches below her knees but it could not conceal the beautiful curve of her calves and the delicacy of her ankles I noticed as my eyes traveled lower still.

The sound of Natalie's voice shook me out of my contemplation of her. "Um, I hope you don't mind but...I couldn't help but see you having some trouble there and..." She turned around and presented me with her back. Her dress was only halfway zipped and gaped at the top. She looked at me over her shoulder. "Well, I'll help you if you help me," she said meekly.

I blinked a few times, shaking myself out of my daze. "Oh, sure, no problem," I said sounding more collected than I felt. 

I crossed the small room, at her side and two strides and grimaced at how nervous I actually felt reaching for her zipper. Getting it over with as quickly as possible, I yanked it up and took a step back from her. But the torture was far from over.

Natalie turned around and gave me a small, shy smile and reached for the tie in my hand. "Your turn," she said in a voice meant to be teasing but she couldn't hide the nerves she was feeling.

I ducked my head so she could put the tie around my neck and as I did I caught her scent, that sweet fresh, flowery, watery scent that was all Natalie. And I realized with a start how much I missed it. I glanced down at her watching her face as her nimble little fingers knotted my tie. I saw the slight flare of her nostrils in her eyelids fluttered a little as if she too was captivated by a scent memory. Then I felt my face grow warm as I realized she was. She finished the knot, tightened it, and finally her eyes flicked up to meet mine. She paused for a few seconds, her hands resting against my chest, her lips parted and her chest slightly panting. She looked as if she wanted to say something. Swallowing hard I took a step back from her.

"Thanks, Natalie," I said coolly. "I don't know why I seem to be all thumbs this evening." I laughed.

She laughed too, a nervous little giggle. "Well I guess that makes two of us," she replied softly, reaching up to pat her hair which she wore loosely pinned up on top of her head.

I was reminded once more, as I had been on the day we had met, of a ballerina, delicate, ethereal, and easily broken. Like a china doll or a slender stemmed orchid one had to keep at just the right temperature in order for it to flourish. Pushing down the sentimental notion, I checked my watch again. Well at least we weren't going to be late.

I raised my eyebrows in inquiry and gesture toward the door. "Well, shall we go?" I asked briskly as I tried to distance myself from her.

She took a deep breath as if she were steadying her nerves and nodded at me. "Lead the way," she said lightly, jokingly.

                     ***

Not long after we returned from Georgia, Natalie began pulling away again. She would leave in the evenings and wouldn't tell me where she was going and then she would return late, sometimes after midnight looking like she'd been running and crying, her hair a mass of tangles and her mascara running. If I hadn't been so assured of her feelings for me, I'd have thought she was having an affair. But, no. That wasn't Natalie. Something was haunting her, tormenting her and whatever it was was driving a wedge between us. She continued to refuse to talk about it.