What I Miss About You

Bullseye - Ben

I was sitting on the porch drinking coffee and reading my emails the next morning when Natalie joined me. She was stirring her coffee and staring out at towards the doctor's house with a faraway look in her eyes. I noticed she had donned a pale blue track suit and her long blond hair was coiled into a braided bun at the back of her head. I knew from experience what she wore underneath; tights and a leotard. Probably had her dance shoes in the pocket of her hoodie. Natalie never listened to music as she ran, preferring the sound of nature, so her iPod was nowhere about her. But then, if she was off to where I suspected she was, she wouldn't need her i-Pod. I looked back down at my phone and hit reply to one of Addison's emails. 

"Morning," I said, hoping I didn't sound too surly.

She was sipping her coffee so it took a moment before she replied. "Yup." She silently sipped her coffee for a few seconds then spoke again. "I understand you're spending some time with the doctor on his shooting range this morning."

I frowned and didn't look up. "That's the plan," I replied, knowing I sounded like a pouty kid and not caring. "And hopefully get some actual useful facts from him."

"Well, indulging him in one of his favorite sports seems to be a good strategy...like playing a round of golf with Obama."

I scoffed. "Oh yeah, it's totally the same thing," I replied sarcastically.

I could hear her small huff of amusement and glanced up at her. She was looking at me but when I caught her eye, she blushed and looked down. I rolled my eyes and sighed. What the hell had I been thinking last night? I blamed the air and isolation of this place. Something about it, being away from the customary hustle of the city and the office had thrown me...and her...off balance; had made me lose my mind and the phrase "moon madness" came to mind. Maybe there was something to that. 

"I mean, yeah," I said, softening a little. "You're probably right."

We were companionably silent for a long moment. I sent the reply to Addison and signed out of my email. Natalie opened her mouth to speak at the same time I did.

"Listen, Nat..."

"Hey, Ben..."

She looked like a skittish kitten. We smiled wryly at each other and she laughed nervously and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. I raised my eyebrows as asking her to continue her thought. 

"Never mind," she murmured.

"Yeah," I agreed, looking away from her. "Let's just not..."

"No, let's not," she conceded. "Well, I'm off."

She set her coffee cup down on the porch rail and bounded down the steps and off into the woods. I watched her as she jogged away, forearms at a right angle to her body, hands loosely fisted, face to the sun. She was still so beautiful. Why couldn't I get rid of this ache in my gut every time I looked at her. Even the memory of what we went through wasn't enough to suppress the longing anymore. God damn. 

                                                                          ***

I have to admit I was impressed looking at the tight grouping of holes in the ten ring of the target. Dr. Heinrich had just one-handedly discharged the Luger in eight quick shots.

He spread his hands modestly. "It's like...how would you say? Riding a bike!" He grinned at me as he ejected the cartridge. 

I took it from him and began reloading. "So you must have used this firearm a lot," I commented, keeping my eyes on my task. 

"It was war, Mr. Collins," he answered readily enough. "How lucky your generation is."

"We have war in our own time," I found myself saying.