What I Miss About You

Dance Me To The End of Love - Natalie

By the time I got off the train in Rochester and got behind the wheel of my rented car, the snow was coming down in earnest. I typed Dr. Heinrich's address into the GPS and followed the directions all the way to the snow bound hidden driveway. I brought the car to a careful stop, put it in park, and stared in dismay at the two foot drifts and the thick blanket of snow that I knew would be hiding every rut and dip in that long lane leading to his house. I doubted even Addison's SUV could have traversed it at this point. Sighing, I killed the engine, removed the keys from the ignition, and dropped them into my purse. Grabbing the hurriedly packed overnight bag, I opened the car door and carefully stepped out, my boots sinking at least five inches into the soft whiteness.

Minuet mewed plaintively from the passenger seat. I looked down at her and clicked my tongue in sympathy as I bent to pick her up. Slamming the door and locking it with the key fob, I took a deep breath and began the long track through the woods that led to Dr. Heinrich's house. Enduring temperatures that were close to dipping below zero had a way of keeping my most torturous thoughts at bay, namely Ben and the stricken look on his face as I drove away in the cab. And Dr. Heinrich's uncertain condition.

"You're crazy to be doing this," I muttered to myself. "You should have let Ben come with you."

I tucked Minuet into my overcoat and held her close to me for warmth. My teeth were beginning to chatter. Surely I was halfway there by now. I thought back to the story of how Dr. Heinrich had helped Ruth, my great grandmother, escape the Nazis through a snow-filled forest much like this one. And surely if they could endure, so could I. I shivered. It was not much further, I thought to myself.

Suddenly, I thought I saw a glimpse of something...a movement in the trees to my right and my head swiveled in that direction. As soon as I looked, the flutter of movement was gone, but I felt no fear. Only a sense of calm and peace, the same feeling I'd had after torching the house in Memphis. A feeling like I was on the right path and I was going towards some predestined future. I stopped walking and narrowed my eyes, staring deep into the bare, naked trees. Still, I could make nothing out and I continued on my walk, pausing now and again to study the dense forest on my right. I held my cell phone's flashlight in front of me to avoid snow filled ruts.

The little stone bridge, now cloaked in white, loomed ahead and as I turn my gaze to the left I could just make out the shape of the caretaker's cottage where Ben and I had stayed...was it merely a few weeks ago? It seemed like years had passed since then, a reality that seemed more surreal with every passing day.

That feeling of being watched and followed persisted, and it made my scalp tingle, but just as before, whenever I turned to look, there was no one there. Still, I felt no menace, no threat, or unease. Whatever this strange premonition was, it was benevolent, of that I was sure. And it gave me the confidence and courage to complete the last stretch until finally the beautiful, imposing, and yet strangely comforting sight of Zufrieden met my eyes. I smiled at the house, but then my smile slowly dropped as I remembered my purpose in coming here. Snuggling Minuet closer to me, and hoisting my bags more securely over my shoulder, I hastened to the massive front door where the large porch lantern shone warmly and welcoming. Mrs. Standish was expecting me.

I climbed the steps and just as I was reaching for the doorbell, I felt something at my back; like a warm breath...strange on this night of snow and freezing temperatures, but unmistakable, as if someone stood behind me and was trying to speak to me. I turned my head, but I already knew before I looked that there would be no one there. Nevertheless, I smiled gently and turned my attention back to the door and rang.

It was mere seconds before I heard soft footsteps on the other side, and then the knob was turning, the door swinging inward to reveal the grateful, smiling face of Emma Standish. Not wanting to stand on ceremony, I stepped inside and immediately embraced her. She was taken aback for all of two seconds before throwing her arms around me and returning the hug.