Reconnections

Chapter 22

"Are you sure you have time to talk?" Adams word stung as he spoke.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know, you just don't seem to have time for us at the moment. What did you want to talk about?" He sat on the bed and rubbed his temples.

"You know what, no. I'm done having patience and dealing with everyone elses problems. If I'm such a headache to deal with then forget it." I stormed out of the room and out of the house.

"Rae wait." Adam came chasing after me.

"Wait for what? The fact that you think I changed? The fact that nothing is going to be the same? Or the fact that you'd rather not deal with me now. I still have my empathy abilities, I can feel what your feeling right now." He stopped and stared at me. Immediately I felt bad, but it wasn't me who felt bad.

"I don't mean to feel that way."

"Save it Adam. I did absolutely everything I could to get back to you but you gave up on me. You were so fucking broken you could barely even process while I had to save countless lives, human and non-human, I failed most of the time making me realize I'm not good enough to be a fucking goddess, maybe I'm not even good enough to be a mother, or your wife for that matter." I turned and started running until he tackled me to the ground.

"How could you even say that?!" Adam held me down as tears flowed from his eyes. There was more then just sadness, there was anger and even hatred lingering.

"Like it's not true. You've thought it yourself too haven't you?" I yelled back as his grip on my wrists tightened.

"NO! I've never once thought that and I never would! I had no way of getting you back, you were the strongest creature to walk the earth and they took you like it was nothing! What could I have done?! I can't lose you again!" He dropped and embraced me releasing my wrists. He cried into my shoulder and hugged me just like the day I was forced to tell him good-bye.

"I didn't need you to do anything... but I needed you to at least have hope that I'd find my way back to you.. you didn't even trust me to come back.." I laid still with my hands still dug into the dirt. He continued to sob into my shoulder breaking my heart more.

"How could I have hope when I couldn't do anything. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe.. I forgot how to live without you.. I don't depend on you but just losing you like that.. I-I.. I'd rather die then fall so far into that darkness again.."

"I know the feeling.." He jumped and pulled back looking at me shocked.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Remember when Tyler died? You saw how I reacted.. and even before that, I was- am the goddess of empathy, no one knows that darkness better then I do. I used to think of depression as a friend and then an enemy but I've realized, depression isn't something I can name, depression is the darkness, it's us. It's you, it's me, it's anyone who's ever felt broken or sad. While everyone else gets to move on and survive and eventually forget about that darkness, I've lived with this darkness since I was born.. as a goddess, so even longer then you've been alive. I just.. I didn't want to feel what anyone else was feeling so I lashed out on you, I'm sorry." He sat up and helped me sit up.

"Please don't be sorry.. I get it, kinda. If I knew you felt that broken every day.. I wouldn't- I mean.."

"Don't worry about it.. no one could ever understand.. No matter how hard I try to describe it, it's always more painful then words. That's why I hate words. As the goddess of empathy, In have to feel all emotions all the time, I don't get to just feel one thing."

"What I hate about words... is that they're so fucking easy to hear or say but when it comes to action it's a completely different story because it's so much harder. It's so much stronger then words yet people depend on these damn words, no one thinks they have to do these actions, they think they can just say whatever they want and not work for it. But little do they know they will need to follow through with their actions. If you want to win the race you need to put in the effort and fight to win. If you want to eat at the end of the day you need to put in the work to grow it, hunt it, or work for the money to pay for it."