My One And Only // {Johnnyboy}

Chapter Four: This Can Not be Happening

I'm not gay.  I can't be gay.  Liking one boy doesn't make you gay, does it? I don't like Johnny that way.  I can't like Johnny that way.  That's not how friends work.  What will the gang think of me?  What will Soda think of me?  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

My mind was rushing at a thousand miles per hour.  But at some point I must have been too exhausted to think about it anymore, because next thing I knew Johnny was shaking me telling me to wake up.  Neither of us knew what time it was, only that it was late.  I wished Johnny goodnight and started running back home.  But as I was running, my thoughts started coming back to me.  This confusing mess of a situation only got worse when I got home.

"Where have you been?!" asked/screamed Darry.

"I..." But I was at a loss for words.  I was still confused out of my mind and half asleep.

"Answer me Ponyboy, where were you?!  I was worried sick!"

I was still speechless.  And a bit scarred. Darry's voice had never been that loud before.

"I...I need..." I started, but I still couldn't find the right words.

"What, Ponyboy?!  What could you possibly need?!"  Then he slapped me.  Hard.

"I need to go."  I said quickly.  I ran out the door and I didn't stop running.  Darry had never hit me before.  We'd argued, but it's never gotten violent.  I was hurt.  When I was running, I had one thing and one thing only on my mind; Johnny.

I fought back tears as I remembered Darry hitting me, the situation replaying in my head over and over. I wanted it to stop, but it just wouldn't. Then I remembered the reason why I couldn't talk to Darry. Johnny. I liked him. But I didn't like him. But I did.

Johnny was still asleep in the lot by the time I got there. He still looked beautiful while he slept, but I had to wake him up.

"Johnny? Johnny?  Wake up, will ya?"

"..."

"Johnny!"

"What?"

"We're running away, Johnnycake."  Wow, I thought.  I'd never used that pet name on Johnny before.  But it felt nice.

"Ok then, let's go." replied Johnny.  He got up, brushed the dirt off him, put his coat on and we both started running into the night.  I was kind of surprised he didn't put much thought into, you know, running away, but at that time I didn't put much thought into it.

We didn't know where we were going, all we knew was that we were running.  After about 20 minutes, we started to slow down.  That's when Johnny started to question why it was that we were running away.

"So, uh, why exactly are we, you know, running away?"  Johnny asked in his shy, nervous voice.

That's when I broke down.  I couldn't take it anymore.

"D-Darry...he h-hit m-m-me...we fight, b-but he never hits me...". I was crying, hard.  We had stopped by a park, so Johnny guided me over to sit under a big sycamore tree.  I just cried into his chest for a while.  Being near Johnny made me feel complete.  He's the light at the end of my tunnel, the spark of hope when everything's bad.  He's Johnny.

"It's gonna be okay, Pony.  You're gonna be all right."  Johnny held me close.  At this point I had calmed down, but I didn't want Johnny to let go of me.  I hugged him.  I wanted to tell him how I felt about him.  I wanted to tell him everything.

"Hey, Johnny?  I..."  But at that same moment we heard a low rumble.  We let go of each other and jumped up off the ground, almost in unison.  That's when we saw it.  The blue mustang.

"Shit" I heard Johnny mumble under his breath.  "That's the one."

"You mean..."

"The guys who jumped me." 

I heard the terror in his voice.  Shit was right.  I saw how bad they jumped him.  We would've ran if the car hadn't seen us.

"Keep your cool" I said to him.

We lit our cigarettes to look tough.  I'm not sure how I looked, but man did Johnny ever look good.  With his denim jacket, the scar on his face and the lit cigarette, he looked like he could beat up anyone who crossed him.  The mustang swirled around us a couple times before stopping in front of us.  We were ready.