Relatable

14

I woke up the day of the football game not feeling too happy. I had a feeling that I couldn't shake about today and I just wanted the day to be over. 

I slowly got ready for school, dragging whatever time I had to keep myself from going. 

My parents weren't home to rush me and I was kind of grateful for that at the moment. 

I eventually lugged my backpack and myself to my car, and pulled out of the driveway very slowly. I cringed about the thought of seeing anyone that wasn't Layla today.

After her birthday night lulled to a somewhat awkward ending, I stayed over and rambled all night to Layla about my encounter with Cameron in the kitchen. 

She could tell something was off about me and thankfully listened to me being confused and frustrated the rest of the night. 

I didn't feel satisfied enough after that night, and feel like I'm still not ready to face Cameron. If anything, I tried to see Dylan as much as I could. I assumed if I spent more time with Dylan and less with Cameron, I wouldn't have anything to be confused about and all will be back to normal. However, nothing had changed. I'm just as confused as I've ever been and couldn't stop thinking and overthinking about everything. 

When I got to school, I tried to be low-key. I kept my head low, avoiding making accidental eye contact with anyone, specifically Cameron, but I walked fast and made my way over to Layla's locker. 

Except Layla wasn't there. Cameron was. 

I widened my eyes and froze. He was leaning against her locker and once he saw me, he stood up straight. I was not expecting him to be standing there and I did not know whether to run away or not. 

"Ellie," he said, slowly. 

"Um, where's Layla?" I asked, pointing towards her locker. Did she know Cameron was hanging out by it?

"I know you've been avoiding me," he said, not answering my question. 

I ducked my head down toward my shoelaces, feeling a bit of shame. I didn't know whether to deny it or not because even though I tried not to be, I guess it was pretty obvious I was avoiding him. I simply shrugged, hoping he'd understand that I didn't really feel like talking about it. 

He relaxed his posture once again and leaned on Layla's locker. He let out of a soft sigh and quietly said, "I'm sorry." 

I looked up at him confused. Why was he apologizing? The past few days I've felt like the one who messed up everything, not Cameron. This was far from his fault. I was the one that wanted to kiss him. 

After seeing the confusion on my face, he responded, "I don't know. I just feel bad, I don't want things to be weird between us." After a few seconds of silence, he added, "I mean, you are my tutor."

Even though he laughed it off as a joke, that kind of stung. But regardless, I didn't really want things to be weird between us either.

I looked at him and opened my mouth slowly, about to say my piece, when I felt a heavy arm over my shoulder. 

I looked to find Dylan to my right, with a large smile on his face, "Hey, El. I'll see you at the game tonight," he said, leaving me with a kiss on the cheek. 

That was new. 

I watched Dylan walk away as I put my hand to where his lips met my cheek in awe.  

Before I could begin to process what just happened, I turned back to Cameron. His eyes were on the floor, then they moved their way up to meet mine. He nodded in understanding, and walked past me saying, "I'll see ya."

I turned around, disappointment all over my face. I wanted to call after him, but what would I say? I clearly had no words and I could tell that Dylan's sudden appearance had shifted the atmosphere between us. 

Why did I have to drink that night? Clearly, I've ruined our dynamic and I owe a lot to Cameron. I slowly walked towards class, dreading the rest of the day and keeping my head low at all costs. 

 

"So do you not like Dylan anymore?" Layla asked, as we stood by her car door. 

I shook my head, "I don't know. I mean, he's really sweet and we're finally getting somewhere."

"Well, do you have feelings for Cameron?"

I dipped my head back and closed my eyes, confusion taking over. "I—I don't know," I whispered. I haven't even really had time to think about it clearly. For years, it had just been Dylan this or Dylan that, and one thing I was sure of was that I had a crush on him. Maybe that crush had been distracting me from moving on to another person. 

"Either way, I know I don't want to lose Cameron as a friend. He's been good to me, and I really don't want any awkward feelings getting in the way," I admitted. 

Layla nodded, huffed out a sigh, and put her hands on my shoulders. "Okay, listen here. Tomorrow, you can be confused over who you want to be with. Tonight is the night you've been waiting for, a night where Dylan wants you to be with him at his game. Focus on that first. If it's nothing you ever hoped for, then you can be confused about it tomorrow. Sound good?" 

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am," I said, mock-saluting her. That was pretty solid advice, and it would save me a headache later on at the game. Tonight, I was just going to enjoy myself and my time with Dylan.