Relatable

16

4 missed calls. 19 unread text messages. 3 snapchat notifications. 

It wasn't even 11am yet on a Saturday morning, and Layla had decided she could no longer wait to hear about my night. 

I placed my phone back on my nightstand and sighed, looking up at the bland ceiling. My night was uneventful but eye-opening, for sure. Definitely not what Layla was expecting. Before facing Layla's persistent questioning, I decided to slowly get up and start my morning routine. 

I turned the shower on, waiting for it to get hot, while I brushed my teeth and picked at my face in the mirror. I washed my hair slowly and wished I could make my shower last a little longer. Eventually, I'd feel bad for wasting so much water, so I shut it off anyway and got out to dry myself. 

Once I was dressed and comfortable in my sweatsuit, I decided breakfast could wait. I picked up my phone and immediately called Layla. 

After the first ring, she answered with, "So did Dylan blow you a kiss from the field, or pick you up and twirl you around after they won? Was it just like the movies?"

I was glad I hadn't FaceTimed her so she couldn't see my frown. "Not exactly."

"Aww, so what happened?" Layla asked curiously.

"He practically ditched me to go to some house party which I wasn't invited to. Then proceeded to kiss me on the cheek," I said, recalling the anger and embarrassment I felt after leaving the game. "You know what I don't understand? He made it sound like he wanted me there and actually wanted to spend more time with me. I get wanting to spend time with the team after a win, but this wasn't a footballers-only party." 

I confirmed this with a few snapchat stories posted late last night from Milo's "small" get-together. Even the girl that sat next to me in English was there and she has nothing to do with any of the football players.

"Mixed signals, I guess. Maybe he's unsure of where he stands?" Layla offered. 

I shrugged, knowing she couldn't see me. "I thought it was obvious I liked him"

"Guys don't work like that, El. You know they can't pick up on anything," Layla snickered. It was a good point. 

I pinched the spot between my eyebrows. "Ugh, Layla, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore," I admitted. Taking advantage of her silence, I decided to continue. "I just. Keep. Thinking. About. Cameron. But I'm not sure how I feel. I just know I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time." 

I shut my eyes, anticipating her reaction. "Wow. Okay, lots to unpack. First of all, you're not wasting anyone's time. Unless you aren't being honest with yourself and the others. If you like Cameron, I think you should tell him. Be honest with Dylan, too so he doesn't think you're leading him on."

"When did this get so complicated? I never thought twice about who I wanted to be with; all I knew was Dylan. How am I so unsure now?" I asked, rhetorically. 

"Well, one thing's for sure. This shit is never easy. Take it from me, my parents got a divorce after I was born and got back together when I started second grade, so I don't think anyone really knows how they feel and what's going on." 

"What would I do without you, Layla?" I said, cracking a smile. Her advice was solid. It made me feel better about being confused about how I felt. 

"Your life would be very uneventful," she answered immediately. 

I let out a much needed laugh. 

After ending our conversation, I finally decided to go downstairs to munch on something. After taking a few bites of toast, I heard my phone ring. 

Looking down at it, I saw Cameron's name pop up. My stomach flipped. With shaky hands, I answered it, "Hello?" 

"Hey, just wanted to know if we could fit in a session some time this weekend? We have a test review on Monday but I actually want to show up knowing what I'm doing," Cameron asked, normally. As if my newfound confusion about my feelings for him haven't affected him. 

"Oh, right. Um-" I said, looking around. How was I supposed to tutor him in such close proximity without getting nervous? When I couldn't think of a valid excuse fast enough, I realized I can't just back out of my part of the deal. "Of course, how's tomorrow at noon? My house?"

"Perfect, I'll see you then," Cameron said before hanging up. 

I continued eating my toast, but my thoughts were on tomorrow's tutor session. I hoped I could help him with pre-calc without getting distracted. 

Later in the day, it hit me that I've been in denial for quite some time now. 

I definitely like Cameron.