Off Ice.

Chapter Thirty-Seven.

Finn

It's our last day in Seattle. I can't believe how fast this trip went - how it feels like we've only been here for a day or two. But it's been a little over a week and although I'd love nothing more than to stay even longer, we have our lives we need to get back too.

Avery has to go to classes on Monday and I have games to play at the end of next week. I won't lie though, I'm sort of itching to get back on the ice. This is the longest I've gone without even skating and fucking around with a puck, but it was needed. I needed to step away. Hockey has been the only thing in my life the last four years and I just needed to focus on other things for a little bit.

I just wish I didn't have to say goodbye to Avery in order to do that.

I really, really don't know how I'm going to do that. In this moment, the task seems borderline impossible. After this past week, after spending every second together, how am I supposed to leave her for so long?

She could probably come to San Jose on her Spring break, which is at the beginning of April. But other than that, I'm not sure either of us are going to have the time to travel to each other. LA is coming to us at the end of this month and we're going there one more time at the end of April, but it's only for a day or so.

The only other time I can think of us seeing each other is for her college graduation. I really, really do not want to miss it. I have to get that date from Cam and see what the schedule is like. I'm banking on the universe helping me out and not giving me a game that day, because if it's just training I can take a maintenance day and come for the ceremony. I probably won't be able to stay, but at least I'll be there for one of the biggest days of her life.

A huge part of me is hoping that the stars align and we face the Kings in a playoff round. At the rate we're both going, it seems like we're going to be in the running for it so I guess we can only hope that the draw ends in our favor.

It also feels a bit bittersweet knowing that this is the last couple months I'm going to have with my teammates. I know that the guys are going to be supportive, but I really am having trouble thinking about how I'm going to tell them.

The draft isn't until after the season ends, but I don't want to go into playoffs or finish our season without telling them that it's my last. I told Jack about it and he was really happy for me, which I expected. He knew that I was looking at other places and I think he was just happy I wasn't joining a team he hated - which is a lengthy list if we're being honest.

I think I'm going to play it by ear, though. If it seems like we're not going to make the playoffs, I'll tell them before the regular season is over. If we clinch early or if it's apparent we'll get there, I'll tell them before the first round. Either way, I'm not going to just play my last games with him and not even let them know.

"Finny, can you stop checking out that leaf and hand me my water bottle?"

My eyes blink out of the prolonged stare they were holding towards the tree in front of us, my gaze shifting to Casey who's sitting across from me on the blanket that Grace laid out.

Avery and Grace wanted to have a picnic by the dock, so that's what we're doing. I liked the idea and so did Case - it's really soothing over here and it's warm for the beginning of February. It's kind of like the perfect day for it.

One of my favorite memories from this place is when I took Avery here after school one day - even though we're not on the actual pebble beach right now like we were that afternoon. We ate burritos but it was so fucking windy and shit was going everywhere. We talked about our future, which I know we did often, but it just felt different. It felt like we weren't hoping for it, we knew it was going to happen - we were planning. That was the day we decided on getting Ollie.