Off Ice.

Chapter Twenty-Six.

Avery

Finn left LA earlier today and although I'm already missing him more than I thought was humanly possible, I have a new sense of hope.

I feel hopeful for our future, especially after he got the phone call he did last night. I'm fucking excited to go graduate and figure out what exactly we're going to do. I actually feel excited to grow up.

However, I will admit. A lot of this is kind of feeling like déjà vu. I feel like I'm in some kind of time warp - like I'm back to how I was when I was 18. Moving to a new place and being excited to grow up. I guess it is different - since we're older and now we're moving together and not to somewhere new. We're moving back home.

Home. It's a word that I don't use often because it feels like it's a bit of a sensitive subject and honestly - it's sort of lost its meaning to me. I called New York home for a while because that's where I grew up and lived for 14 or so years of my life. But when I went back there when I was 18, it was clear as day that that wasn't my home anymore.

Walking through the streets of NYC and meeting up with some people that I still kept in touch with was nice and nostalgic, but it felt like I was visiting. I felt like I was going to go back to Seattle but I never did.

I guess Los Angeles feels like a home, but even that I would say loosely. This apartment feels like a place of comfort - being here with Cam feels that way. So does Casey and Grace's house. But I think that may have to do more with the people than the place. Sure, I've grown used to LA but I think I've always known that this isn't the place I'd live in forever. I feel like that's how a lot of people who moved here feel.

Seattle is home for me; I still think of it as that. The small town we lived in and the overall environment - the weather, the people. The life I had in Seattle shaped me to who I am now and I know that I probably should want to just keep moving on and find a new place to grow, but the truth is I don't. I want to live in Seattle for as long as I possibly can.

Finn and I barely slept last night, we just talked for hours about what we can do. We talked about how we can look for places to live when we're over there because we probably won't have time to go visit until the end of the season and semester. He asked if I wanted to rent an apartment or a house because he'd make either happen, but I told him that we should stick to an apartment first.

We're still young, at the end of the day. We're 22 and although our lives haven't been normal for quite some time now and although we've lived on our own and have taken care of ourselves for years, I'm not sure that I'm mentally ready to have my own house. We'll have time to do that later.

We talked about how we're going to wait till we're with Morgan and Ms. Wilder to tell them and how Finn's going to tell Casey before I tell Grace. Neither of us wanted to talk to them last night because we didn't want to jump the gun, but Finn spoke with his agent this morning and it really is all set in stone.

Even though we were airing on the side of caution last night, Sean did send him the contract after they got off the phone and the two of us went through it after we got out of the shower so that we could get a better baring of it. They're willing to pay him double the amount he's got now, which is still the entry level contract, and the new contract is for 5 years.

The two of us were still a little bit on a high this morning, even though he was leaving. I'm excited yet insanely nervous to tell Cam and I'm going to have to avoid Grace for a little bit because I know I'll slip up if I don't.

Our good moods didn't make the goodbye any easier, though. The last couple of weeks have been pure bliss and although we knew this day was coming, it was hard as fuck. We took another long shower this morning, even though we took one last night, and were pretty much inseparable while getting ready. When it was time for him to go, we stood by my front door with our arms locked tightly around each other, neither of us really willing to let go.