My Time

2 ~ Cold

Even at this point in time, it was all just the beginning. The beginning of the end. He was addicted. Addicted to the feeling of self-gratification. To the feeling of emptiness in his stomach. He was addicted to the void that he felt inside. Every day would consist of running off of water. Headaches, low blood pressure. Fainting...but he just said he was tired and said it would be fine. This went on, he practiced volleyball every day, every moment, every second, because it was one of the only things that mattered. 

His school didn't have a boys volleyball team, so he practiced by himself, or joined the girls. He would push himself to practice every day until his arms were red and sore. Til his fingertips felt like falling off, he kept on going, because it was the only thing that let him feel something again. 

It all started when he had his first tournament, for the first time he had his own volleyball team. He faced 'the king of the court' Kageyama Tobio. Hinata battled furiously, sweating, running, jumping with all of his might. 

My head spinning, my nose bloody. Oh...what's happening? That was the last thing I remember before I woke up in a hospital bed. Iv dripping through his veins. 

"Low blood sugar. Have you eaten anything?"

Hinata put on a fake smile, "I was too excited to eat anything today! We had our first official volleyball match!" 

The nurse smiled, writing it down. "Alright, you're free to go once your guardian picks you up."

Despite being nothing but skin and bones, they didn't know. Why would they know. Perhaps he just had a fast metabolism. Perhaps...but it didn't matter. Eyebags hung heavy beneath his eyes, tired. He was exhausted. Tired wasn't anything to describe it. Cold, empty, hungry. No, he couldn't be hungry. He's used to it. GET USED TO IT. 

Suck it up Shoyo, you're fat. Stop eating, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? You can't Sho. You can't. His fingers were pale and thin. His bones ached. But it didn't matter. He didn't matter. 

Hinata made his way back home, his mother coming to pick him up. 

"How was the match."

"Don't remember."

And with that, they sat in silence. Once they got home, Hinata rushed towards his room. 

"Shoyo? Do you want anything to eat?"

"Not hungry." 

His mother sighed, not knowing what was wrong. Hinata barely ate with her and Natsu anymore. He looked sick, weak, frail. His cheeks were hollow and sunken, he was practically a skeleton. But, maybe it's just hormones...maybe. 

I began to tug and pull at my hair, the tingling ripping sensation at my scalp felt amazing. I dropped the lingering strands onto the floor, scratching and picking at the scabs. My nails clawed into the flesh of my scalp, yanking and yanking until I was left with a patch of no hair. It didn't matter, my hair was unruly, curly, wild. I could just cover it up, nobody would notice. 

Cold. All he felt was cold. His fingertips were turning purple, yet he liked the sensation. He felt as if he was successful because if he was cold, that meant he was skinny. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough. Being just skinny wasn't enough. He wasn't enough. 

Then, it became his first day of high school. Karasuno high. The place where the little giant played, Karasuno's Number 10. But when he got there, wearing a hoodie covering his uniform, you'll never know who he met. 

"King."

"Don't call me that." 

"Oh~ is the King of the court mad that he got rejected by Shiritorizawa?"

"Shut up!"

Hinata just didn't bother, making his way past the two. He made it over to the gym, only to find out those two were also going to join the volleyball team. Once he made his way to the change room, they had to change out of his clothes. He had begun to strip, taking off his top. Horror. They looked at him with horror. Cuts and slashes littered his torso and stomach. 

"What happened?"

"I used to have a cat when I was younger...he was feisty." 

The orange-haired male mustered a smile, genuinely? No. 

"You're all sticks and bones."

"I have a high metabolism." 

They bought it. It was all he had to do. He flashed them a smile, before tossing a sweater over his gym attire, heading out. 

"Aren't you going to take it off?"

Hinata shook his head. 

"No, it's cold in here." 

From that moment, everything was dropped. Nobody questioned it, they never questioned why he had scars on his body, how he was too skinny, how he was small, delicate, a beauty...

2 months passed. 

After practicing a bit, Hinata got tired, his head spun. He went to grab a quick drink, the feeling of cool water sliding down his throat...filling the void inside of his stomach. His legs were shaky. He was walking back to the gym before he fell, his palm resting against the wall. His eyes were blurry. 

Kageyama walked out, noticing the smaller male against the wall. 

"Oi! Boke? What's wrong? Are you ok?"

Hinata nodded, smiling once again. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just got dizzy for a second...I have low iron..." 

Kageyama helped the male go back to the gym, holding his arms. His hand fit around his small thin wrist. His hands were small, thin, pale. It was as if he let go, Hinata would suddenly disappear. But it's not like he felt anything towards him. They were rivals, right? Were. They were, but now they're teammates, partners. 

Kageyama swiftly picked Hinata up bridal style. 

"K-Kageyama?!?!"

"Shut up, just let me take you back to the gym...you're slow." 

He was light. Too light for my liking. It felt as if he weighed nothing. I carried the tangerine back into the gym, a faint blush on my face. It's not like I liked him or anything, he was short, annoying, perky, beautiful...fuck. Suga noticed the boys walking into the gym.

"What happened to Hinata?"

"Oh...er...I got a bit dizzy...you know low iron."

Hinata laughed it off hoping that it wouldn't worry the people around him. As he grew closer to the people on the team, the more he began to feel again. His heartfelt warmth, he was content. Not exactly empty, but maybe he could have a feeling of euphoria that was more than temporary.