My Time

7 ~ I'm Sorry

Hinata woke up on top of Kiyoko on the couch. They must have fallen asleep. He tried to get up but his back was sore and he could barely walk. Kiyoko was already awake, stroking her fingers through his unruly hair. 

"Tired sunshine?"

"Mhhnnn...I can't walk..."

Kiyoko giggled, picking him up. 

"I'll drive you, home baby. We'll tell your mom you fell asleep on the couch and rolled off so your back hurts."

Hinata tiredly rubs his eyes, wrapping his arms around Kiyoko. He then falls asleep onto her chest, as she brings him to her car. 

Hinata woke up in his bed the next day. His face flushed with the thoughts of last night. How Kiyoko ran her long slender fingers up and down his thigh, squeezing it gently. How she rearranged his insides with the strap. He was in pure bliss. He picked up the phone, texting Yachi the details. 

H- Ya-chan! You'll never believe what happened!

Y- Sho-chan! what happened? 

H- I just had the best movie night with Shimizu! 

Y-Kyaaaaa! Spill the tea!

H-We watched a movie, ate popcorn, snuggled, napped together and...

Y- Anddddddddd...

Hinata's face flushed at the memory

H-S-she pegged me!

Yachi stared at her phone screen, her jaw hung wide. 

Y-Ughhhh! You're so lucky! Kageyama-Kun hasn't even kissed me...let alone let me call him any pet names!

H- Don't worry Ya-chan! It'll happen to you soon! Or...well eventually! I believe in you! Good luck!

Another month passed, Kageyama and Yachi were still together, but the raven-haired male felt a pit in his stomach. Hinata and Kiyoko were still going strong, especially their sex life ;) 

Eventually, by the end of the month, Yachi came to Hinata crying, bawling her eyes out. Her eyes were red and puffy as she ran to hug Shoyo. 

"I-its over!"

She cried into the orange-haired boy's shoulder. 

"What happened?"

"He broke up with me..." 

Flashbacks shot through Hinata. The notification on his phone the night before from Kageyama. Saying the three words he never thought he'd hear. The three words that made his heart clench and pulsate. 

K- I love you.

H- ................

"W-why Ya-chan?"

She looked into Hinatas eyes with a pitiful look. 

"B-because...h-he only...wanted...m-me...t-to...g-get...closer...t-to...you...."

Hinata gasped, hugging his best friend closer. He knew that Kageyama liked him, he knew but he still let Yachi get hurt. 

"I wish I had someone like Kiyoko." 

Hinata patted her head and said some soothing and calming words to her. 

"Shhhh, Ya-chan, he wasn't worth it then. If he was using you then screw him...ok..." 

Yachi sniffled, nodding. 

"Thanks for being here for me Sho-chan"

"Anytime...anytime..." 

Guilt raised in Hinata's chest, his breathing staggered. 

"Hey, I have to head home, I'm babysitting Natsu today...I'll see you tomorrow." 

He then sprinted home, running as fast as he could. He was panting, his head was dizzy. Vision blurry. The next thing he knew he was crying, running up the stairs and slamming his bedroom door behind him. His mother was at work, while Natsu was at Daycare, and all he could feel was guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

It's been a while since he last felt this way. Ever since he had gotten with Kiyoko he hadn't had any panic attacks, but at this very moment, he felt as if everything was his fault. If only I should've told Yachi that he liked me...if only I was a better friend. Stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. He had been a month clean, but now all he felt was the stinging sensation in his eyes that burnt.

He was getting better. He was supposed to get better. He couldn't do this. He couldn't. His hands were shaking, his body rocked against the bed. His fingers made their way to his hair, pulling against the follicle and strands. He needed to release the feeling that overwhelmed him. For the first time in months, he started to cut against his flesh again. 

The blade sunk deep into his skin, blood oozing out of the freshly cut wound. The tingling sensation he felt ran through his veins, sending him on a high. He laughed hysterically, as tears ran down his face. He hasn't cried in a while, no not at all. Oh, how the feel he had missed so hard to regain. How he would spend hours laying in his bed asking if he was happy now. How he would do anything to cry again. Finally. It was here. The tears he had been yearning for. 

Hinata spent days locked up in his room, refusing to come out. He had said he was fine and just had a headache and a sore throat, which was true. His voice was raspy, crack and dry. His head pounded, eyes lifeless. He held his phone screen to see the number of unread messages on it. Countless people asking if he was okay and such. Of course, he said he was. He was fine. He had to be fine. But at that moment he only had one thing to do. 

He picked up the phone, calling Kiyoko. 

"Shoyo? Are you alright?"

In a dry, tired voice, he responded, "haha, yeah I've just got a sore throat and a headache. It hasn't been going away for days." 

"Ah! I'm so worried about you! Do you need me to come over to bring you anything?"

Hinata bit his lip nervously, before responding. 

"Actually I wanted to talk to you about something..." 

"What is it Shoyo." 

He gripped onto his blanket, taking in a deep breath, before speaking. His voice quivered, tears threatening to fall from his face.

"I...want to break up..."

It was silent on Kiyoko's end for a second, before she spoke. 

"Alright, I respect your decision." 

"A-are you mad at me?"

"Of course not Shoyo, you probably have a good reason." 

He whimpered, "Thank you, Shimizu...for everything...I hope we can still be friends." 

She smiled softly, "Of course Shoyo. No hard feelings." 

And that was the end of their call. The line beeped as he hung up. His heart still felt heavy. He grabbed his phone, texting Yachi. 

H- Ya-chan.

Y- Sho-Chan! What happened? You disappeared for a few days I got worried!

H- I'm just sick...I have something to tell you...

Y- What is it?

H- I broke up with Shimizu-San...

Yachi gasped.

Y-Sho-chan why?

H- We're better off as friends...and...you can have her...Ya-chan...you always wanted someone like her so...it's alright! I'll be cheering you on. 

Y-Really? Omg, thank you Sho-Chan! I'm going to talk to her right now!

Hinata smiled softly at the phone screen, putting it down. He hasn't eaten anything in days and he was tired. Softly, he muttered under his breath. 

"I'm sorry for ruining your relationship with Kageyama, Yachi. I hope you can be happy with Shimizu." 

He brought his knees tucking his head in between them. 

"I hope you can be happy."