My Time

25 ~ I miss you

I miss you. I miss your smile, your cat-like gaze. I miss the feeling of your pudding-coloured hair between my fingers. I miss your soft citrus scent, I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss the way you smile like there's nobody else. I miss the crinkles underneath your eyes when you start to grin. I miss your laughter when we giggle and you're smiling. I miss the way your body feels against mine. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. 

K- Hey Sho, I don't think I can come over for the weekend. I got sick. 

H- It's okay Ken Ken! I hope you get better I love you! Oh-oh! Make sure you take it easy! I want you to get better. Don't text me, all you need to focus on is your health. I love youuuuuuu~

K- I love you too Sho. 

I miss the fluttering feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I miss the feeling of your calloused hands against my cheeks. I miss the way you used to hold me. 

H- Gahhhh! I'm so sad that I can't have you meet him! He's sick :(

Y- That's alright! I can always meet him next time. 

H- Yeah but I was so excited for this! I wanted to show him off because he makes me feel special. 

Y- Aweeee~ It's alright Sho-Chan, when he gets better it'll happen! 

H- You're right Ya-chan I just got to wait for him to get better. 

And everyday, Hinata would text goodmorning's and goodnight to Kenma, sending him positive happy pick up lines too. 

H- Good morning babyyyyyy! I hope you're getting better! I love you! 

H- Are you the eiffel tower, cuz I fell for u <3

H- Night night baby! Mwahhhh get well soon! 

H- Morningggggggggg my little puddinggggg! 

H- Are you a printer because you're fineeeeee ;))))

H- Night night, I love youuuu! 

Over and over again, for a span of 2 weeks. 

K- Hey baby, how are you?

H- Ken Kennnnnnnnn! I missed youuuuu! How are you? How are you feeling? Are you ok? Are you still sick?

K- Sorry about that, yeah it seems like I've come down with the flu or something, so I have to take antibiotics. I'm so sorry about not texting you back baby but your messages always made me smile

H- I love you, Ken Ken! It's okay, take your time and message me when you get better! I don't want you to text me until you're all better okay! Now rest up dummy! I love you 

K- I love you too Sho. 

And so the pattered continued for another month. Repeating of the I miss you, I love you, are you better? 

K- Hey, Love just wanted to see if you were ok...?

and that was it. The last message he had sent. Hinata stood there re-reading the messages over and over for months, waiting for Kenma to come back. He waited and waited and waited. 

Y- Sho-Chan, give it up...it's been three months...c'mon

H- But I love him Ya-chan!

Y- I know you do, but please, he's not coming back.

H-I miss him, I miss him Ya-chan!

Lifeless. That was how he felt. He spent months after months waiting for his lover to come back. He stared at his phone, re-reading message after message, waiting for the other male to respond. 

Y- Sho-chan....you know you're getting Ghosted right...?

H- I...I don't know why. I loved him! I thought he loved me and I just thought that maybe...just maybe... 

Y- Please, just get some closure. 

Hinata sighed, slumping down on his bed. He thought about all the fun times they had together in the dull hospital. How they would crack a smile at each other every day. How everything around them would fade. It was so perfect. So why? Why did this happen. 

Hinata typed out one last message, tears falling from his face, hitting the screen. 

H- Hey, it's been a while, and by a while I mean maybe a whole month since you've spoken to me. Our last conversation wasn't till the beginning of April and not to mention it's now may... The thing is that well, I dunno maybe happy 5 months? I don't even know if it's happy at this point. Who knows where you've been, how you're doing, if you're okay if you're upset, unwell, etc. I care about you Ken Ken, I genuinely do, but the fact that I feel as if I'm being ghosted hurts a lot. I understand that you have things in your life, school, gaming, your mental health, volleyball, other things that are important. Honestly, I don't even know if this was intentional, the ghosting or if you're still sick or whatever the thing is...I just hope that even if you do come back there is a good reason for where you've been and why you were gone. Yet, I've waited for you, for a whole couple of damn months, yearning for you, missing you, hoping for just one text. I've realized that these past few months, I've spent it missing you and that hurts. To feel this way, wanting something I can't have.

H- I've waited every single God damn day and as time went on, I slowly stopped, my messages got shorter, once a day, less time was out, because who knew if you were going to be there. I hope that you really can explain to me what is happening if you've been ghosting me, or this is something that your parents had forced you to do. I don't know how long it'll take to move on, or if I do...who knows what the hell I'm supposed to do, but here we are. I hate to do this, but...after being ghosted...is this you telling me we're over? Well, if it wasn't intentional anyways, I guess that I'm no longer yours because it's been a whole damn few months since you've been mine. If you do come back, and you see all of these messages, I have to tell you this hurts me more than it hurts you. Deep down I still believe in you, that you care, that you miss me, but I'm conflicted by my feelings and thoughts of "does he even really like me?" Now here's to the time we had spent together, it was amazing, you're amazing, you had taught me what it has felt to feel loved and to love others. The time I spent dating you was wonderful and it hurts just to be writing all of this. I don't want to face the fact that you're gone, that maybe you'll find someone else, someone better...It hurts to say this but, I don't want anyone except for you. Will I move on, maybe, maybe not, and it just hurts my heart cuz you're gone. I love you, had always love you, and probably will still love you.

Even after a few more months, he still went on. 

H- Wherever you are, whoever you're with now, I just want you to know that I miss you and it hurts...

And on...

H- Even though you're gone it still hurts...I've been trying to move on but I can't. I just don't know how to feel and I've found myself coming back here even though I know you aren't going to respond no matter how hard I try...I'm sorry...

And on...

H- I love you... 

And on...

H- I miss you.