My Time

8 ~ Healing Panic

Hinata came back the next day to school, acting as if he were fine. The real reason he broke up with Kiyoko was that she would have been so much happier with her than then. All that mattered was his best friend's happiness. But, not only that, leaving Kiyoko gives Hinata time to grow and heal. 

After accepting the fact that it happened, Hinata slowly became happy again. He started to eat again, he started to cut less. Half of the time his laughter and smile were genuine. Kiyoko and Yachi were happily together, causing Tanaka and Noya to be sad, but hey they're both happy, right. 

At first, Hinata couldn't talk to Kageyama, but he forgave him. He too also had some explaining to do, and now they're still partners and friends. No, they're not the closest, but it's better than nothing. After drifting apart from Hinata, he had recently begun to get close to a certain male. He had an unexplainable feeling..something he couldn't describe. He was needy, clingy, and had to do everything he could to be friends with this said person. 

Yamaguchi Tadashi. 

Every movement, every time he laughed or made a float serve. How his shirt gently lifted when he jumped. How he-...fuck Shoyo stop it. You're not gay. You can't be. You just really admire him, okay? Just, stay calm stay fucking calm. 

All Hinata could do was stare at him from afar, in class and in the gym. Finally, he had the courage to walk up to him, talking. It started off slow, with little good mornings during morning classes, to where they would eat lunch together. But, not alone. Yamaguchi obviously suggested that Hinata should eat lunch with him and Tsukishima because Yachi had always eaten with Kiyoko now that they were together. Gladly he accepted, but what was this warm feeling spreading through his cheeks. 

At home, Hinata paced back and forth, questioning his existence. I can't be gay...maybe I'm bi? Or Pan? Or maybe I'm just fucking gay?!?! 

He opened his laptop, opening an 'Am I gay' quiz. Typical bullshit. Unsure of what to answer, he did get an answer of bi. He stared at his screen panicked. Uh....uh..he was frantic and didn't know what to do. He pulled out his phone, texting Yachi. 

H-Ya-chan...

Y-Sho-Chan! What's wrong? 

H-...So you know how you're bi right...

Y- Mhm!

H- So I kind of have a problem...

Hinata ranted and rambled about it, talking about how he felt this attraction towards the other male, how he felt embarrassed and such. Yachi giggled at Hinata, as he was panicking. He couldn't get over the fact that he was Bi or Pan, Or maybe just gay in general. I mean...he really never felt an attraction to girls in the past, and not to mention, he only got with Kiyoko on a whim. Perhaps it was a bad thing, but whatever. 

Fuck fuck fuck! He couldn't decide. He was biting his nail, trying to figure out this jumble of feelings he felt inside. What if I'm not bi or pan or gay maybe I'm just confused...over that hot hunk- fuck Shoyo snap out of it. Maybe I just really wanna be his friend because he only is friends with Tsuki...yeah yeah! That's it! Mhm, I got it, so maybe I just admire him so much because he's so cool, good looking, how his eyes- fuck stop Shoyo...

Okay, but fuck what if I am gay...n-no...I just admire him, yeah yeah you admire him. 

H-Okay, I got it, I just admire him.

Y-Pssshhhttt, yeah keep telling yourself that. You're literally panicking because you're gay asf

H-Yeah but if I am I don't know if I'm pan or bi or maybe just gay. For fucks sake how does this work???

Yachi giggled over the phone screen. 

Y- Do you know if you're attracted to men for sure?

Hinata bit his lip, thinking about it. 

H-Yes...

Y-Then if you don't know what you are right now, you're probably queer. You don't have to identify with just one specific label, being queer is broad so you have time to explore this feeling you have inside. 

Hinata sighed. 

H-Thanks Yachi...but in the end, I still have to figure it out right??

Y- Calm down Sho, you'll find out on your own time, so just sit back and relax. 

Hinata continued to act like this for a while, going back and forth between. Gay, Pan, Bi...Queer. Eventually, he just stuck with Queer, deciding that he'll figure it out when the time is right. He continued to develop his relationship with Yamaguchi, where he even invited Hinata to his house for a little get-together. Of course, he invited the rest of the team too, for doing so well in the preliminaries. 

Hinata couldn't help but be embarrassed with what might just happen. It was going to be his first party in high school...well get together. But who knows. He spent the whole weekend picking out an outfit, not knowing what to wear. In the end, he decided that he should just be comfortable, and wore black ripped skinny jeans, converse, and a bright orange hoodie. 

It was going to be fine. It was just a little get together. Nothing serious was going to happen. They would probably just watch movies or play harmless little games such as truth or dare. Oh boy, I guess Hinata was partially right, but boy was he in for a surprise. He stepped into the house, taking off his shoes. Noya and Tanaka were being weird as always and begun to make beats in the kitchen. 

Suga was in the kitchen trying to drink the noise away, unfortunately they didn't have anything alcoholic so he couldn't really do that. Tsukishima was listening to music on the couch. Kageyama was drinking milk. The forgettable 3 were no where to be seen. Daichi was trying to calm Suga down, while Kiyoko and Yachi were probably sitting on the floor cuddling or something. What a long night was it going to be....