My Time

12 ~ Ache

Hinata sat at the staircase slumped down. 

He's probably just studying with Tsuki, It's fine. Hinata headed back home mopey. 

"Hey! You're back home early."

"Yeah, I just had a headache and decided to come back."

He headed up to his room, slumping down. He didn't know what to do...confront him or? Ugh. Life is hard. 

Once school rolled around, Hinata asked Yachi if he could eat lunch with her and Kiyoko. Being his best friend, she obviously said yes. He tried to avoid Yamaguchi most of the time, not wanting to remember the thoughts of him and Tsuki together. 

Hinata was giggling while eating his bento. Awing at how cute Yachi and Kiyoko were. He continued to nibble on his tomago (egg). Yams was obviously not taking it well. He went around storming around the school, trying to find Hinata. He saw the smaller male giggling and laughing with his friends. He walked up to him, grabbing Hinata's shoulder. 

"OH SO YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM NOW"

Hinata looked at him shocked. 

"W-what?"

"So you're gonna fuck everyone to talk to now?"

"Yams we're just friends-"

"No, you know what, just go and fuck them, I don't care." 

The green-haired male walked up and went away. Hinata sat flabbergasted by his behaviour. His heart panged, leaving a tingling welling sensation deep within him. Despite just talking to his friends, he has automatically deemed to be a cheater? 

Hinata didn't know what was happening to the other male. He was acting strange, jittery, possessive. Hinata decided to let him chill, and would talk to him after school. He waited at the front gates for the male. 

"What do you want, slut?"

"Yams I didn't do anything!"

Hinata was screaming at the other male, trying to prove his innocence. 

"All I did was eat lunch with them?"

"Oh, yeah bet you were eye fucking them too."

"Stop being dramatic! Yams, I was talking to friends! Can I not have friends?"

"Yeah, well not if you look like you want to pounce on them every fucking second!"

"That's not what happened!"

"You know what Shoyo, just go. I don't want to talk to you right now." 

Yamaguchi began to walk away, Hinata screamed, grabbing his wrists. 

"What the fuck is wrong Yams? Fucking talk to me."

He yanked his hand out of Hinata's grasp. 

"Just drop it."

He left, leaving Hinata there, staring blankly into the void of the darkening sky. 

He made his way home, not wanting to talk to anybody. He went straight to his room, crawling underneath his covers. He rocked back and forth, mumbling and muttering to himself. For the first time in forever, he was subconsciously crying. Tears streamed down his pale flushed cheeks. He took out his phone, trying to text Yams. 

H-Talk to me.

H-Yams.

H-Tadashi

H-Yams, please

H-Respond to me!

He was left on read repeatedly, causing him to go back. He was regressing. His fingers ran through his orange locks of hair, yanking them out of the follicles. They fell onto the bed, damp, bloody. His nails were covered with blood, scalp oozing. He wanted to scream. Scream until his lungs could no more. But he couldn't. He silently wept in the corner of his bedroom, rocking back and forth. Hands bloodied, scalp bleeding. 

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

He reached underneath his bed, grabbing the one thing he hadn't touched in what seemed forever. Slice. Slice. Slice. The cool feeling of the blade slit across his pale skin. Breaking apart, oozing with the infliction of pain, remorse, sorrow. What the fuck did he do wrong? What was wrong? Why wasn't he good enough. 

Blood oozed out of his legs, running down. The bedsheets stained with blood, and hair. Eyes, red and puffy. He looked at his phone, before messaging Yamaguchi again. 

H-How the fuck am I a slut? You're the one who was on a study date with Tsuki!

Tears pooled, damping up his shirt. Snot ran down, he was unappealing right now but that didn't matter. 

After what seemed like hours, he finally got a response. 

Y-It doesn't matter. I've known him before you. He was here before you. 

Hinata stared at the screen. He's right...he's known Tsuki before me so it doesn't matter...because Yams is always right...right? 

It didn't matter what kind of relationship they had, what they were doing because the only fact that mattered was that Tsuki came before Hinata did. He would always come before Hinata. 

His hands were shaking, with each raspy breath he held. He limped to the bathroom attached to his room, turning on the light in the sickening darkness. He placed his hand on the reflection of the mirror. He was pale, he had grown a bit more flesh than he previously had, but that didn't matter. It wasn't enough anymore. 

He grabbed the blade, slicing his tender thighs once more. Again, Again, Again, slashing over already opened wounds. Tears fell onto the countertop of the sink. He had never been this dishevelled before. He was sick. So fucking sick in the head. 

His hands were shaking, legs weak. He didn't want to do anything. He didn't want anything. He paced back and forth in his room, blood trailing all around the hardwood floor. He covered himself back up, letting the blood dampen his black sweat pants. Nobody could find out about this. He was fine. He always had been fine. This is his life. He's so happy. 

The orange-haired male laughed maniacally, tears oozing out of his eyes. 

"I'm fine. I've always been fine. You'll be fine Sho. FUCKING SUCK IT UP."

"I'm not weak. I'm not weak."

He pressed his hands onto his thighs, creating a sizzling sensation on his cuts. He went through to the closet, grabbing a sledgehammer. He ran it down his thigh, hitting right against the cuts. Blood gushed, a pounding sensation was left. A bruise, a mark of worth. That's right. That was all he was worth. Pain. Hinata was only used for pain. He only needed pain, but who was he to talk about. Yams was right. He really was a slut. And it doesn't matter if he's talking to Tsuki. He came into his life first. He was first. He will always be first.