Doorman

Leaving

It feels like hours, and he still hasn't gotten here. It's only been 10 minutes but that's plenty of time to walk here. I work up the courage to get out of bed.

It shouldn't be this hard.

You'd think, after everything, this wouldn't happen anymore. It hasn't happened in a long time... I feel like something is wrong. There's a pulsing feeling in the pit of my stomach, I'm not a psychology major but I can feel whatever the stress hormone is coursing through my veins.

My vision blurs and the world twirls as I stand up from bed. I don't look too awful considering I've probably slept for 15 hours. I guess that's the perk of falling asleep in your day clothes!

I have to see Michael. Did he say he wanted to talk to me? That's never a good thing. Ever. I guess I should text him. Again.

My fingers hover over the keyboard not knowing exactly what to say.

Me: I'm coming over.

Perfect. I'm so eloquent.

A blooping noise feels as if it echoes from the screen.

Michael: Alright.

Not a period! I must have messed up.

I slip my shoes on and make my way out of the dorm. I follow the familiar pathway to Michael's dorm, everything feels wrong. The air is heavy and every breath I take fills my lungs to the capacity and then some. I can feel everything. I can hear everything.

Before I know it, I'm there, my hand knocking on the door, and it opens almost immediately.

"Hey," I look down at the floor, scared to at his face.

"Hey," he moves out of the way, gesturing for me to come in.

I still can't bring myself to look at him, for why I don't know.

"Are you okay?" he asked, putting a hand on my shoulder, "You look like hell."

"I just feel weird."

Silence. All I can hear is the ominous noises coming out of the vent above us.

"Well..." Michael starts, "Sit down."

I did as I was told, I wasn't about to screw up anymore than I already have.

"I've got some good news and some bad news."

How cliché.

"Give me the bad news first. I don't want to feel dread while hearing good news," I can feel all the blood rush to my stomach. The silence is suffocating.

"I'm moving back to Hawaii with my parents. I'm dropping out."

"That's the bad news?" It takes everything in me to not cry, "Michael, I'm happy for you! Whatever you need to do is fine with me!"

Oh god, everything hurts. I want him to be happy but he's going to leave me.

"If that's the bad news then what's the good news?" I try as hard as possible to sound ecstatic.

"You're taking this way better than I thought," Michael chuckles under his breath, "The good news is I'm getting a lot of attention on YouTube so I can only imagine that might take off even more soon! That's actually the reason I'm dropping out, so I can focus on YouTube and my contracting job."

"That's wonderful."

Every breath is heavy, the air feels almost sticky.

"So this is it, right?"

"We have until the end of the month."

"Great.."

"I'd try long distance," Michael sits next to me, "but I feel like it would hurt..." he trails off.

For the first time ever, I watched as Michael, the funny, cynical, crass, sarcastic boy I fell in love with, begin to cry.

And I cried with him.