Doorman

Michael.

TRIGGER WARNING: Implied eating disorder, and mention of eating disorders.

Michael Reeves.

I turn around and walk back to my dorm.

Michael Reeves.

His name. It's all I can think about.

Michael Reeves.

I'm completely detached. I go through the motions of unlocking my dorm and shuffling to my bed.

Michael Reeves.

What's wrong with me?

I curl up into the fetal position under my comforter and stare at my alarm clock.

It's 9:00? But it was just like 7:35?

I dissociated for so long, what felt like five minutes walking to and from Michael's dorm actually took a lot longer.

Taylor is already gone. They left for rehearsals while I was out. They tried to tell me.
Right now, I feel as if I'm nothing, but when I speak to Michael... he makes me feel like I am everything.

I decide to do nothing the rest of the day. It already feels as if I had wasted it walking around.

Maybe I should eat?
Why do I wonder that I should eat? Why do I think to ask if I should survive? That voice that talks to me sometimes, the voice that says mean things tells me no.

So I don't eat. For some reason, I listen to that voice. But why? They don't know what they're doing. Yet, I still listen.

Why do you hate yourself?
Why do you want to die?
I just want to leave my body.

I decide to dissociate some more. I'm just staring at the wall next to me bed, but somehow that's more interesting than college.

Hours go by before I notice Taylor walking through the door.

They're back already?

Have you eaten today?" Taylor sits on the foot of your bed.

"Yes." You I look at them.

No.

"Are you lying to me?" Taylor squeezes my leg.

"No."

Yes.

"Alright then." Taylor gets up from my bed and moves into the bathroom to take a shower.
I should probably take a shower. Perhaps after Taylor.

The mean voice starts to give me excuses as to why I shouldn't shower, but I stop it with the only logic I can follow.

If I don't shower, Michael most definitely won't want to see me.

While I shouldn't be basing my life around someone else's, at least he's motivation for good hygiene. Now if only he'd make me eat.

After Taylor gets out, I go to take a shower.

The warm water is nice.