Doorman

Awake

I'm not in my dorm.

I'm not in my dorm!

I slept so deeply last night I'm pretty sure I died.

This definitely isn't my dorm.

What happened last night?

I went to Michael's dorm last night, same as always. We were working on Doorman when suddenly I had a panic attack from how beautiful he was. Okay, nothing out of the ordinary so far.

As I recount what happened last night, I notice that I'm still in Michael's dorm, so I must have fallen asleep here.

I remember calming down faster than usual, thanks to Michael learning how to properly handle a panic attack. Then I remember asking to hold his hand, and I did.

I feel a shift in the bed, then I feel something wrap around me. An arm.

We kissed last night, and it wasn't like the first time. It was more passionate, it was warmer, and there was something else there.

An exhale.

"Good morning... I think?" Michael's voice greets from right next to me.

I turn over and face him and the reality that we did more than work on Doorman.

"Good... morning..." I answer, trying desperately to avoid eye contact after the brute force of reality hit me.

What happened was not a dream.

Michael covers his face with his hand, "Did we...?"

"Yes."

"Like, for real?"

"For real."

We both can't look at each other. This is the most awkward morning I've ever had, and that's saying something. However, I am proud to say that I am handling this like a champ. Normally, I would cry.

"So um... what do we do now?" Michael asks, finally breaking the silence.

"I don't know. I've never..." I trail off.

"Do we just, forget about it... or?"

No. No, I can't just forget about it. Not like last time. This is much more than a quick kiss and a grasp. 'Forgetting about it' isn't something I can do. The last time was already too much. I couldn't forget. The thought haunted me until I could fall asleep, then I would wake up and it would accompany me again.

The feeling of his lips was too life-changing to forget.

I kiss Michael, softer than last night. I just want the softness again.

I pull away and force myself to do the one thing I never thought I could do on my own. I look Michael straight in the eyes.

"Why would you want to forget?" I hear myself, almost as if I'm not the same person.

"I don't." He breaks the eye contact.

I'm stronger than I was before.

I'm awake.