Doorman

Back to Reality

As I hurry back to my dorm, tears welling in my eyes, a million thoughts go through my head.

Why would I kiss him? He's going to hate me forever.

I lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I take a couple of deep breaths, calming myself down. I think for just a moment about what just happened, and I find a good side to it.

Even if he hates me, I got to kiss him, and I'l hold that feeling with me until the very day I die.

I usually look to the dark side of everything, but Michael somehow makes me see the good in things.

I'm going to take a big step in the whole self loving thing. I'm going to eat something.

I walk over to cabinet on Taylor's side of the room and grab a bag of chips. It's not much, but it's something.

"Hey did something-" Taylor bursts through the door, with a worried expression, "happen...? Do you want to eat real food, or?"

"I don't think... anything... happened?" I slowly eat another chip.

"That one kid down the hall was looking for you. Gotta admit, it was surprising to hear that somebody wanted to talk to you." Taylor laughed at their, joke?

But their joke about me isn't important. What is important is that they saw-

"Michael?" I asked, kind of scared.

"Yeah! The one who looks like a 12 year old," they replied.

Now that I think about it, he really doesn't look like a 12 year old. I think that thought is just from the initial shock about how short he is.

"What did he say?"

"He just asked if I had seen you, and if I saw you to tell you he was sorry."

Sorry for what? I'm the one who kissed him... I mean unless he was sorry for holding my hand, in which case he doesn't have to be sorry for that. Guess I should talk to him.

"Whoa there buddy, don't strain yourself!" Taylor calls after me once they saw me bolt out of the door.

He doesn't hate me, that's a relief. At least, I don't think he- oh my god I have to slow down.

"I thought you were going to run in to me," Michael laughs nervously.

"Yeah," I begin, out of breath, "I thought I was going to run into you, too."

The silence is deafening, almost dreamlike.

"Listen, I'm sorry," I say, possibly the most coherent thing I've said in a while, "I haven't been in the best state of mind recently, I haven't been making normal decisions."

Michael looks up at me, "You don't have to be sorry. You haven't hurt anybody," he looks down, "Maybe we should talk about this in my dorm, not in the hall."

I totally forgot I was just standing out in the hall.

He closes the door, "I hate to admit it, but I was totally fine with you kissing me." He struggled to say those words.

"You were?" I suddenly found myself with a lot of confidence, "Would you be fine if I kissed you again?"

Michael laughed.

His lips are soft. So, so soft. I'm breathless when we break, and I never want to be away from him.

"I've been thinking about you, a lot."

"I have to be honest, I've been thinking about you, too." Michael looks at me, right in the eyes.

I put my hand on his cheek. I am pressed against the wall, Michael is so close to me. This is what I wanted, right? Yet, somehow this feels so wrong.

My thumb rubs his cheek, softly. His eyes are so dark, so warm. This is where I want to be.

Then I hear my alarm clock going off.

I sit up in my bed.

"Wow, you were out, huh?" Taylor pours themselves a drink of water, "You thirsty?"

Back to reality.

"Yeah, I guess I was," I put my hands out for a drink of water.

Taylor rolls their eyes and gives me the glass they were holding before pouring another, "Did you have a good dream?"

I take a sip of the water, "Yeah, I did."