Tearing Down Walls

Tearing Down Walls 23

Chapter 23 Havannah

            I woke up tucked into Sky’s bed. The events of last night were permanently etched in my brain. I remembered waiting outside in the cold and how my heart crumbled when I seen him with her. I stretched and rolled out of bed. Dreading my appearance I didn’t look in the mirror. My phone lit up on the charger. I shuffled over to it and was shocked at how late I slept in. One fifteen was the new record for my lazy days to beat. I was also shocked by the amount of calls I had. I had two calls. Two calls. That’s it. Oh and one message from my dad saying if I wanted to on Christmas eve next month I could bring the kids presents. I was too distracted by my thoughts running ramped through my mind that I couldn’t focus. He doesn’t even care. One call was from Liam and one was from Jordan. I sighed and threw my phone against the wall. I didn’t look at the shattered pieces as I stormed downstairs. My stomach growled, so I headed towards the kitchen. I walked into the dining room fighting with myself, over whether I should drink orange juice or milk, when someone cleared their throat. I snapped out of the war in my head to see everyone sitting there including him. “What.” I snapped. The other four boys looked sorry for me. Kat was sitting on the opposite side of the room, probably wanting to smack him as much as I do. When nobody said anything I rolled my eyes and walked down the hallway that leads to the food. I heard muffled arguments and a lot of outburst from Kat. I shook my head and continued to make my toast. Once it was done I put some Nutella on it and decided I’d drink a juice box instead. I carried my food into the dining room and sat at the other end of the table between Niall and Sky. I started eating and was suddenly aware of everyone’s eyes on me. “What?” I asked again. Sky spoke up.

            “The boys’ concert is tomorrow.” I nodded. “Are we going shopping for new outfits?” I shrugged.

            “You and Kat can do whatever you want.” Complete and utter silence. Everybody was looking at me again. “What!”

            “You’re not going?” Niall asked and I shook my head.

            “Nope.” I was secretly hoping he would say something, anything. I missed the sound of his voice. And the imprint of his lips on mine felt like it was slowly disappearing. Crazy right? Love does this shit to you. All the memories I have left to remember are last nights. “Besides, I’m not wanted anyway.” I got up from the table and walked back to the kitchen to throw my stuff away. I turned around and jumped. “You scared the crap out of me.” He just stood there staring at the ground. I rolled my eyes and pushed past him.

            “Havannah wait!” I shook my head and kept walking. “Please.” There was a pleading note in his voice. Everybody was looking at us now that we made our way into the dining room, but what’s new? I turned around and looked past him. I couldn’t look at his eyes. I would’ve forgiven him last night if I hadn’t learned from my mistakes and looked into those eyes.

What Styles.” I refused to say his name for my own sake. I would break down in a second. He sighed

“I’m sorry.” I waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. I laughed.

            “That’s it? Really?” I shook my head in disbelief. “You kiss another girl, tell me it’s no big deal, then don’t text or call me to let me know what you said isn’t true? And then you honestly think sorry is enough? You’re fucked up.” I pushed him back a few steps. “I don’t understand how these boys put up with an arrogant asshole like you everyday of their lives.” I began to walk away when he grabbed my wrist. “I swe-“ I was cut off by his lips on mine. I missed this so bad, but no. I wasn’t being played again. I broke it off and slapped him. And might I say I was proud of myself with how loud it sounded and actually felt sorry for the guy, but he had it coming. “Don’t.” tears were blurring my vision. “Don’t act like you care now, now that you see I’m hurt.” I shook my head finally meeting his eyes. “Don’t pretend that you love me when you know you never did.” I saw the sting of my words in his eyes. I started to walk away again.

            “Please.” It was barely a whisper. I stopped.

            “I trusted you. I told you everything and you threw it all away. How do you think that makes me feel?” I turned around and faced him. “I loved you, but I guess my dad was right. You could never love me back.” Tears flooded down my face. I ran upstairs, grabbed a jacket, and fixed my hair within two minutes. Love hated me and apparently, so did he.

*

'I remember what you wore on that first day, 

You came into my life and I thought hey,

You know, this could be something,...'

Skip.

'Four, letter word,

But I don't have the guts to say it,

Smile til it hurts,

Let's not make it complicated,...'

Skip.

'Tell me what you're gonna do when I'm gone,

Oh and where you gonna go when there's nobody home,

And who's gonna love you,

When you're all alone,...'

I turned off my ipod. Clearly it didn't sense my pissed off mood. I went to McDonald's and got a Carmel coffee and headed back. Yeah, I know, it wasn't a very long trip, but I needed to get out. I had left my phone in pieces at Sky's, (thank god for replacement policies) so I didn't know what time it was. I walked into the deserted house to find two notes. One was in Kat's neat handwriting.

Hey babe,

  Me and Sky went shopping with the boys. Not the one you're pissed off at because he had 'better things to do'. Anyway I'll be back with food. Call me if you have suggestions!

                                                                                                                                       Love,

                                                                                                                                                 Your Lover Duh ;)

I smiled at her cheesiness. I opened the next note and my stomach dropped. His handwriting wasn't as neat, but it was readable. I contemplated on throwing it away or burning it, but decided I should read it first.

Havannah,

  You will probably never forgive me and I know it seems like I don't care, but I just don't want to hurt you anymore. I had no right to kiss that girl or you. I lied to you and broke my promise. I'm sorry and I'll try to stay out of your way so you can move on. I just want you to know that I do love you. Maybe one day I could prove it to you.

                                                                                                              Love,

                                                                                                                        Hazza

He was going to leave me. My heart sunk. How did we fall apart? What did I do wrong? This is all my fault. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the medicine cabinet. I knew it was wrong, but at this point, it didn't matter. I couldn't forgive him, yet I couldn't lose him. I took ten Tylenols and sat on the bathroom floor against the wall. I saw a broken piece of mirror lying on the ground next to me. I hadn't done that since mom died. I remembered all the hard nights and questions that came along with police interrogations. I reached over and pressed the cool glass against my skin. A stream of blood escaped. The pain in my arm numbed the pain in my heart and mind. I curled up into a ball and watched the blood run its path down my arm and I wondered if I chose the right path when I chose him.

*A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! Just in case I don't get to tell you on christmas. Oh and I hope you guys are liking to story. Almost six hundred reads.!! Love you guys!